House of Glass and Fog
by Lady of Castillo
Summary: First you lose your memories then you lose their trust then goes the job and the love is always last. Just because it's retcon doesn't mean you can forget forever. A take on how Ianto deals with Jack's wondering heart.
1. Chapter 1

Title: House of Glass and Fog – Prologue

Word Count: Overall ~30,500 words, chapter ~2,500

Pairings/Characters: Jack/Ianto, Torchwood Team

Rating: MA overall, this chapter PG13

Warning: Slasharama

Spoilers: Season one through Something Borrowed

Disclaimer: I wish I owned Jack, Ianto and all related Torchwood material but I don't. Someday I will… Someday!

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"Bloody wedding fairy my ass," Ianto muttered to himself as he dumped the last of Gwen's retconed guests into their hotel room. After 3 hours of doing this by himself, Ianto wanted to leave the hotel and the festivities behind and go home to drink away his broken heart. Maybe even erase the whole disastrous evening.

Ianto had hoped the day and evening would have turned out differently than had what actually happened. When Ianto heard Gwen was engaged to Rhys he was ecstatic and not for any of the right reasons. He had stupidly believed that if and when Jack came back, Gwen would finally get over her hero worship leaving Ianto with a Jack that he could pretend loved him. A Jack that could love him as more than a close friend or a good shag. But in the end all the young Welshman found was a Jack that craved to be with Gwen but wouldn't because he was unable to give her a normal life.

Ianto was very much prepared to ignore that painful fact until he saw the pair dancing. The look Jack gave Gwen was one of pure adoration with a strange undertone of nostalgia. Gwen's eyes held the same type of emotion but were much more innocent and full of wonder. When Ianto saw this he felt as though his chest dropped to his stomach and had to clench his jaw so tightly, to keep himself from crying, that his neck muscles began to spasm.

To compound matters, in place of slinking off Ianto decided he had to dance with Jack, even though any fool knew it was tradition for all of the men at the wedding to cut in and dance with the bride. Not the man she secretly loved. All he really cared about was for Jack to look at him like he looked at Gwen, like he was the centre of the immortal man's universe. However, the young man knew he held no special place in Jack's heart and never would. Ianto could tell Jack cared about him but not in the way he wanted. There were only three people Jack cared about like that: the Doctor, Gwen, and Estelle.

In the end their brief dance turned into a last show of defiance that meant nothing. Jack barely wanted to dance with him and wouldn't even look him in the face. Instead he just peered at Gwen over the younger man's shoulder as she danced with her new husband. They danced stiffly, at a distance and after the song ended Jack's grip slid off his shoulders lazily, in a manner that seemed indifferent and cold. In that moment Ianto felt like nothing more than a warm body. Ianto didn't even bother to try and make Jack explain and cringed as the captain's slumped shoulders disappeared through the hall's doors. The only outward sign of emotion Ianto allowed was a soft bit to his lip before going back to neatly dropping amnesia pills into the guest's champagne.

"A farce, this whole thing was a bloody fucking farce," Ianto growled, realizing he had been standing outside a random cousin's room for far longer than was normal. Ianto gave the door a parting kick, knowing with a level 6 recton pills no one on this floor would hear him, and started his hunt for Owen so he could get back into the city.

Ianto was grateful he only had to round one person before heading out as Tosh had headed back to Cardiff and Jack had said he could find his own way home. Most likely meaning he was going to pick-up a bridesmaid or groomsman. Although the former was far more likely because Rhys' half of the wedding party was either ugly, old, or deceased. After searching for Owen for over 20 minutes, Ianto gave up and decided the undead doctor could find his own way home.

The archivist pulled the SUV keys out of his waistcoat and headed out towards the back of the building. They had tried to park in a secluded area to discourage noisy wedding guests but the area was still easily accessible. Anyone going out for a smoke was sure to notice a huge black SUV with the name Torchwood scrolled along the sides. For a hypothetically secret organization, he sometimes felt they were far too flashy and half of Cardiff knew they existed.

Ianto stopped dead – the spot where the SUV was supposed to be parked was empty. "That inconsiderate bastard," Ianto raved to no one. He could not believe Owen had the nerve to run off back to the city and leave him stranded. If Owen had wanted to leave that badly the Welshman would have willingly gone. When he got back he was going to confiscate all of the spare SUV keys.

'That's it, I'm done,' Ianto thought. 'Screw getting drunk and thinking about retconing myself, I'll just do it here and hope everyone thought I had too much to drink. Might as well try and act like some semblance of a man and not cry over Jack sodding Harkness.'

Though all he wanted to do was surrender his self-respect and cry. Cry over a cliché and pathetic, unrequited love. Cry until he was a complete mess and then forget all the reasons that he had to blubber like some child in the first place.

Ianto trudged back to the hotel again and then began to dig through his wallet looking for the spare retcon pill he always kept with him, just in case. Once again, Ianto was denied what he really wanted and found only a small sticky in welsh:

_Please refer to archives before retcon, especially over J.H._

The small note went on to give him a call number to the archives in an area that even he rarely went. It astounded him to no ends that he had already retconed himself over Jack at least once.

"What a pathetic mess you are Ianto Jones," the young man sighed into the night. He was never a man for taking the easy way out but it hurt so much to have the look Jack and Gwen shared ingrained into his memory forever. If he wanted to function and be useful to his team he had to forget, he had to be able to see Jack with untainted eyes. He had to have hope that someday Jack might love him with the same intensity.

'Now how the hell am I going to get into the city?' Ianto wondered. The drive back to Hub was around 45 minutes and he knew there was no way a cab would come out to the middle of no where to get him at 2 am. Weighing his options Ianto decided to take the dead groom's car as he was going to have to pick it up in the morning and dump it somewhere. 'At least I can save a trip,' Ianto thought gloomily.

When the young man finally found himself back at hub it was past three and if Jack had beaten him back there was no way he could get past the proximity alarms and sneak down to the archives. Ianto didn't spend many full nights with Jack, they mostly had sex during the day, but he knew the captain infrequently slept for more than a few hours a night.

On the off chance that Ianto did run into Jack he would just tell his boss that he wanted a head start on the last bits of clean-up from Gwen's wedding. It was completely plausible and he was certain Jack would want everything sorted no later than 9 the next day.

Ianto parked the 'borrowed' car in the back and entered Hub through the tourist office, noting he needed more leaflets for Cardiff Castle. Not like he would remember in another 30 minutes.

When Ianto was sure that Jack was not in the Hub he took some time to set-up an overlay video so if anyone on the team was determined to dig there would be nothing to find but video of Ianto cleaning the Hub. He also made an entry in the central log confirming he had completed all clean-up procedures except those for the car and the body. Confident in his security measures, Ianto then grabbed a bottle of bourbon Jack kept in the conference room and headed down to the archives.

Ianto cracked open the bottle, threw the stopper on top of the small desk he kept in the archives and took a long drag. Three more long and loud pulls were taken before he pulled out the blue sticky with the archival code and began looking. The code took him into the back recesses on the first floor where harmless alien literature was stored. This kind of trash did not come through the rift often, causing the section to be under used. Ianto noted it defiantly could use some TLC and that he would need to leave himself a reminder to scrub the area down and do some resorting.

While searching, Ianto came across a few of his favourite items in the archive and could not fathom why he did not come here more often. Long fingers softly brushed down the spine of a children's storybook from Lydon that resonated with the archivist strongly. When Tosh had translated the text almost 7 months ago, Ianto had fallen in love with the story of a greedy little gnatt, the earth equivalent of a caterpillar, which could find nothing to satisfy his hunger.

It reminded Ianto of himself in his teens, just after his father died. He was always trying to fill the empty void his father left with reckless and stupid things like drinking and shoplifting. He was constantly hungry for something he couldn't have, akin to the need the gnatt felt. It was the identical feeling with Jack and Ianto knew he would never have the love that he craved. He slid the book back into its place and found what he was looking for a few shelves down.

Unlike most of the literature items on the shelf, Ianto's target was a 24" by 12" inch metal container with a keypad on the front. "Great," the Welshman snorted to himself. "I don't know the pass code and I haven't even left myself a hint."

Ianto tried a few patterns he used for some of the lower security items in the archives. When none of these worked, he growled. The Welshman pulled out his scrap again and began look for any hints. When none appeared, he was not sure how to proceed. Knowing himself, Ianto had probably set the lock to boot him out after 5 tries. This was Ianto's last chance and there was nothing more he wanted than to get inside that box.

Ianto sighed, and looked around the shelves desperately for a clue that would most likely be meticulous and hard to spot by nature. It wasn't until he began to scan book spines did the Welshman notice anything out of the ordinary. Odd, the last five call numbers of a book of Nowian fairy tales were in the wrong font.

Ianto guess this must be code because he never made mistakes like that. He muscle's tightened at the realization, it was clear he had gone to great lengths to plan and conceal a simple retcon.

"Sorted," he smiled sadly. The latched hiss softly, allowing Ianto to pull a diary and 6 different levels of retcon pills. "What have I been doing to myself?" Ianto ran a shaky hand through his hair. He opened the diary carefully, finding his own neat script on the inside cover.

_If you're reading this I guess you have decided to retcon yourself against all better judgment. If this is about forgetting a poorly executed mission, record nothing and take the dosage you need. If you are here because Jack has hurt you intentionally or unintentionally, I recommend reading the whole journal before making your choice._

_After the first time I decided to do this, I knew I had to record it in case it happened again. Despite what you may read, Jack is a good man just completely scared shitless when it comes to opening himself up to others. He won't let anyone in because he knows they will eventually leave it him. The reason I have done this is because I cannot give up the man I love but I also cannot not live with knowing there is no hope for him to love me._

_If you retcon yourself, log what has happened in this journal because eventually you may do the smart thing by leaving Jack and Torchwood behind you._

_Best of luck, Ianto Jones, March 15, 2007_

"Fuck," Ianto swore softly. He quickly flipped through the journal counting 5 previous entries. "God I'm and idiot and I'm just going to do it again no matter what he does."

Ianto read over the entries again and again, taking intermittent pulls of bourbon, before he finally let their words sink in. Two of the entries seemed tame compared to what he had been through tonight, the other three grated on his heart further.

From one of the entries it seemed that Jack's heart had been split further for his own namesake. Only Jack sodding Harkness could bugger off for less than 24 hours and fall in love with the man he had stolen his name from and it hurt! By that point he and Jack had been sleeping together for months and Ianto was already in love with the time agent. Jack returned none of Ianto's sentiments and instead fell for a man he could never be with; it was a safe love.

Another entry confirmed Ianto's suspicions that Jack had screwed Martha Jones, despite what she had told Gwen, and it pissed him off to no ends. No wonder Jack had offered to take Ianto on a date when he returned. Jack had felt guilty. The date was meaningless in the end, as they had never even made it out of Ianto's flat for dinner.

When Ianto began to feel his eyes mist over he wrote his entry with drunken, trembling hands. Once Ianto was done he tucked the diary back and nicked a short-term retcon pill that would erase he memories starting half way through the reception. The box was shoved roughly into its slot and the small white pill was swallowed. Ianto washed away his fears, doubts, and anger with more bourbon. It would all be gone soon. He was going to have the worst hangover tomorrow and wouldn't even remember why.

It was tricky for Ianto to get back up into the main Hub up without falling on his ass. The combination of the sedative and booze were already doing exactly what Ianto wanted and as he sunk into the couch behind Tosh's station. He hoped tomorrow wouldn't hurt as much.

"Bottoms up," Ianto slurred, finishing the bottle. Within in minutes his fingers went numb and the glass rolled out of his grip. He vaguely heard the decanter shatter on the floor as darkness consumed him.


	2. Chapter 2

Title: House of Glass and Fog

Word Count: Overall ~30,500 words, chapter ~4,100

Pairings/Characters: Jack/Ianto, Torchwood Team

Rating: MA overall

Warning: Slasharama

Spoilers: Season one through Something Borrowed

Disclaimer: I wish I owned Jack, Ianto and all related Torchwood material but I don't. Someday I will… Someday!

* * *

The next coherent thought Ianto had wasn't until the following morning when he woke up to a hand cupping his face and Jack calling his name.

"Ianto, come on wake up," Jack said loudly, trying to rouse the other man. When he only made a non-committal grunt, Jack increased the pressure on the Welshman's face. Jack had been stunned to find Ianto passed out on the common couch with the remains of his favourite decanter littering the floor.

Ianto rarely drank and never when he had clean-up work to. It worried Jack to no end to discover him in such a state. Jack also had no idea why Ianto had come back to the Hub to drink when he had clearly told the other man to go home after all of the guests were sorted.

"Ianto," Jack tried again, grabbing a trash basket as the archivist finally opened his eyes and gagged a little.

"What the hell?" Ianto slurred, his accent deep and rich.

"I have no clue," Jack replied, turning the other man on his side in case he was sick. "It seems you did some great partying all alone though."

"How much did I drink? I haven't felt this horrid in a long while." Ianto moaned, clutching his stomach when it rolled dangerously.

"No idea, but you did clean us out of bourbon," Jack replied helpfully. "And if you do up chuck try and get it in the bin, I am rather fond of the couch. We've had it since the 80's."

"I'll do my best Sir." Ianto pulled the bin closer to his face, shuddering as his head began to pound with the tiniest movement.

"Did you finish moping up before celebrating?" Jack asked, tracing the shell of Ianto's ear with a calloused finger.

Had he finished clean up? Ianto honestly could not remember; what the hell had he been doing last night? "I'm not sure, Sir." He replied, swallowing thickly.

"You're not sure? Ianto, this isn't just you can do half arsed! If we let these things slip we are going to have bigger problems than retconning a few guests!" Jack pulled away from Ianto, now more annoyed than worried with his carelessness.

"I thought I made it clear that last night was supposed to be some of your best work. After all of the shit that Gwen put up with yesterday, I assumed the team understood how important it was to do this for her and do it well," Jack finished, giving Ianto a dark look.

"I know," Ianto said softly. But he didn't know; the last clear memory he really had was watching Rhys and Gwen dancing at the reception. Everything else was distinctly fuzzy. He must have started drinking quite early. "I'm sorry Sir. I will go check the logs to see if I marked the clean up as complete."

Jack sighed. "Go have a shower and a cup of coffee. I will check the logs and if there's anything left to do we can finish when you've pulled yourself together."

"You shouldn't have to do that," Ianto said, slowly sitting up. Even with slow and sluggish movements, he felt his dinner crawl up his throat. Unlike his previous attempts he could not force it back down and ended up vomiting heavily into the bin.

"No, but I will. Go shower, we can deal with everything else later." Jack placed a soft kiss on Ianto's sweaty forehead, and then slowly helped the smaller man up.

"I…" Ianto began but stopped when Jack gave him 'this is not negotiable' look. "Okay," he conceded a moment later.

"You can use the shower in my quarters." Jack led Ianto over to his office and made sure the other man could get down the ladder before leaving him alone.

While Ianto was in the shower, Jack put on a pot of coffee and pulled out a bottle of aspirin from his desk drawer. From the way the younger man looked, Jack was certain he would need a few of the pills before getting any real work done. Jack then checked the log and smiled softly when the clean up appeared completed except for a vehicle and body concealment.

A few minutes later, Ianto shuffled up from the hatch, looking a little more alert. Jack passed him a cup of coffee and 2 aspirin.

"Thanks," Ianto said, swallowing the pills quickly with a large mouth full of slightly burnt coffee. "Jack, I'm sorry about last night. It was unacceptable for me to leave my duties incomplete and get so drunk I blacked out."

'Always perfectly mannered, even when he feels like shit,' Jack thought. "Ianto, I was thinking a lot about the situation while you were in the shower."

"And what did you decide?" Ianto asked, tightening his tie nervously.

"More like what I realized." Ianto gave Jack a bewildered look. "I realized that you do double the work of the rest of the team and it's stupid not to expect you to let off some steam once and a while." Ianto seemed truly shocked at what Jack said.

"Sir, that's not true!"

"Yes it is. You do almost all of the administrative, take care of the archive, and go out into the field. You have the equivalent of three full time jobs here. When Gwen gets back I think we need to re-distribute your work load a little."

Ianto scrunched his face up, obviously not happy. "It's my job, Sir."

"Despite what Owen says, it has never been your job to: make coffee, get take out, clean the Hub, or run personal errands for the team." Jack took Ianto's coffee mug, set it on his desk and pulled the smaller man close. "It's is time for us to grow up a little and share the load."

"Does that mean you will be making your own coffee from now on?" Ianto said with a sly smirk.

"Unfortunately I am going to have to leave you on coffee detail permanently. No room for a rota there but everything else we can work on." Jack placed a tender kiss on Ianto's lips. "Can you handle that?"

"Not picking up Owen's dry cleaning any more, I think so. Thank you Jack," Ianto whispered softly. If Ianto was honest with himself, he had been feeling a little overwhelmed because of his increased fieldwork. Ianto would never ask to have his duties lessened but if this was what Jack thought was best he wouldn't complain.

"Now, why don't you get a bit more sleep before Owen comes in. Tosh isn't coming in until late afternoon so us men can go on an adventure to dump poor Mervyn and his car."

"Poor Mervyn, my arse. Maybe if he had kept it in his pants he would still be kicking. A lesson you could take to heart." Ianto grinned, allowing Jack to loosen his tie and remove his jacket.

"I thought you liked me best without my pants on?" Jack leered.

"I'll concede that point on the condition you do not remove your pants around any aliens." Jack pushed Ianto onto the couch and knelt down.

"I think I can manage," Jack replied, continuing to undress Ianto. "Now get some sleep."

"Okay," He said around a yawn. Jack pulled a blanket he kept on the back of the couch onto Ianto and tucked it around the younger man. "Feed Janet and Myfanwy for me?"

"Of course," Jack pressed his forehead against Ianto's gently and did not go back to his desk until he felt his lover's breathing deepen.

TORCHWOOD

The second time around, Ianto did not wake to Jack's caresses but the hushed and angry voices of Jack and Owen. He decided to let them fight it out on their own and pulled the blanket a little closer. Ianto tried to drift off again but couldn't tune out the other men's voices.

"I can't believe you just left him there!" Jack whispered harshly.

"He managed to find his way back here didn't he? I don't know why you're having kittens about this." Owen replied, sounding completely unconcerned.

"Because he drank himself to the point where he couldn't remember whether or not he had finished clean up." Ianto could hear Owen shift guiltily.

"What the hell do you want me to do about it now?"

"Cut the asshole down by 50% today and file all of the reports."

"And scour the SUV," Ianto finally called from the couch. He had really tried to sleep through the noise but he rarely fell back asleep after he had woken up.

"What, no way!" Owen countered with a sour look on his face.

"Owen," Jack warned, not in the mood to deal their resident zombie doctor.

"Fine, I'll scrub the bleeding SUV."

"Good. Now I will go make us some coffee to go and we can dump our dear friend Mervyn in a lake somewhere." Ianto said, pulling himself off the couch and shrugging on his shirt. Ianto grabbed the rest of his clothes and headed up to the kitchen to make two travel mugs of coffee.

"I think you might be right about keeping an eye on him Jack," Owen said as he watched Ianto's retreating back. "He seems tired, more than just a hangover tired, and he's lost at least a few kilos since his last physical. I think something has been bugging him for a while."

"I know…" Jack trailed off. "I think last night was to do with something more than stress from work."

Owen grimaced. "If it wasn't about that then what was it?"

"If I knew do you really think I would let him be off making coffee?" He growled back.

"Okay, I get it, neither of us know!" Silence surrounded the two men as they waited for Ianto to come back from making coffee. Something wasn't right with their resident Tea-boy.

After a waiting for far longer than it took to make a simple cup of coffee, Owen became impatient. "What is taking him so long? Come on, lets go dump that Chiv loser before the SUV starts to stink."

"Too late," Ianto announced, re-entering Jack's office just as Owen was about to leave. Ianto handed Jack his blue travel mug and turned to face Owen. "If you had put the bastard in cryo before buggering off for the night it might be a different story."

"You took him home with you!" Jack said, clearly disgusted at the thought.

"And let him leak all over the upholstery." Ianto gave Owen a withering look. "Good job zipping the bag up all the way."

"OWEN! The whole thing is going to need professional cleaning; that is coming out of your pay."

"Wait just a second!" Owen protested. "That isn't fair."

"Explain how it isn't and I might reconsider." Jack smirked and Owen spluttered, clearly having no argument.

"Now that we have determined who is responsible for destroying the SUV can we please go? I still feel like shit," Ianto took a step towards the door in hopes in getting the small party moving.

Instead moving out of Jack's office, Owen walked up to Ianto, grabbed his hand and pinched a small patch of skin.

Ianto pulled away quickly, giving Owen a nasty look. "What the hell was that for?"

"No wonder you feel like shit, you're mildly dehydrated. Go have a bottle of water while we find a substitute corps for the Chiv. And no more coffee!" Owen grabbed Ianto's travel mug and set it on Jack's desk.

"Morgue 1250, closest I could get to that ugly git. If that bitch hadn't eaten half his bowls we probably could have used his body." Ianto replied, looking at his wasted coffee forlornly.

"Trust me, you will feel better drinking water instead of coffee," Owen said, noticing Ianto staring at the mug.

"Fine, now can we go, please?" Jack and Owen nodded in agreement. The three men finally left Jack's office and split off when Ianto headed for the kitchenette again and Jack and Owen headed for the garage. Not even thinking about the mutilated man in the back, Jack threw open the boot and quickly slammed it when a distinct rotting odour was flushed out.

"Fuck, Owen that is sick!" Jack cried, scrunching up this face at the smell. "I don't get why you couldn't have dumped this off last night."

Owen shrugged. "Didn't want to walk in on you and tea-boy going at it again."

"But you knew he was supposed to leave with you."

"Yeah and after you buggered off on him after dancing, he looked like a puppy that had been booted so I thought he might chase after you. You know, trying to score some affection or something."

"Oh…" Jack looked rather confused. "I didn't realize he wanted much more than a dance."

"You're a idiot, you know that?" Owen pulled the boot open again and properly zipped up the body bag before pulling it out with little care for the man inside. More accurately what was left of him.

"Thanks so much," Jack snorted back, grabbing the other end of the bag.

"You are. If all you wanted is a fuck go find someone else. As much as he gets on my nerves, I've come to respect that twat." The two men heaved the black bag up on a stretcher and Owen began to roll it off to the door leading back into the Hub.

"Oh, so your suddenly his champion? And for the record he is more than a shag to me." Jack yelled at Owen's retreating back.

"Good to know," Owen replied mockingly. "But it isn't me that you need to convince of that." Owen picked-up his pace, frankly getting tired of listening to Jack's shite. Owen had tried, very hard, to convince Ianto he could do better when the captain abandoned them but Ianto was just too loyal.

"Nice to know you care so much, especially after you wanted me to retcon him and dump him in your words 'I don't fucking care where' after the Lisa incident."

"Fuck off, Jack. Tell Tea-boy we are leaving in 15."

TORCHWOOD

"I am not sitting in that SUV again until it's cleaned," Ianto said, placing a fresh cup of coffee on Jack's desk. The dumping mission had gone as expected and Mervyn's car was now burnt to a crisp, sitting on a highway half way to nowhere.

"No Weevil hunting for a few days?" Jack pouted.

"The only part of Weevil hunting you like is the shagging in the back seat. I think we can do that without subjecting ourselves to that stink."

Jack grinned at the younger man. "Lock the door and get that hot ass over here." Ianto stalked back to the door and locked it, giving Jack a sharp leer.

"I didn't realize we had Weevil hunting scheduled for this afternoon."

TORCHWOOD

NC-17 Cut. For the full version visit: http:// ladyofcastillo. livejournal. com/ 7633. html (remove spaces)

TORCHWOOD

"God, I'm tired." Ianto said, settling himself back down on Jack's lap. He hadn't realized how much his night of drinking had taken out of him until now. Usually after having sex in the middle of the day Ianto was still able to pull himself together and go back to work. Right now he felt like cuddling with Jack and having a long nap. Not that Jack cuddled with him often.

"You can sleep on the couch for another few hours." Jack suggested, trying to get them out of his small chair.

"I really should finish some filing in the archives," Ianto said around a yawn.

"They'll be there in a few hours." Jack helped Ianto into his boxers and pulled him towards the couch for the second time that day.

"Promise to wake me up in a few hours? I already feel like I have gotten nothing done today." Ianto sprawled across the couch and pulled the throw around him as Jack picked-up their remaining clothes from the floor.

"Promise," Jack stopped his tidying and placed a gentle kiss on Ianto's lips. "Sleep tight." Jack continued cleaning up their mess, folding his lover's trousers and jacket so they wouldn't wrinkle and then took his place at his desk. The neatly organized stacks, thanks to Ianto, had been push into one large pile. Jack decided to spend the rest of his afternoon re-organizing everything and get a bit of paperwork done. The piles never seemed to shrink no matter how long he worked.

Exactly two hours later Jack looked up to check on Ianto. The younger man still seemed tired and Jack really did not want to wake him despite his promise. Instead of waking Ianto up, Jack turned on some soft music and figured when Ianto was really rested the noise would rouse him.

Sometime later Jack heard Ianto push himself into a sitting position and began looking for his pants.

"You didn't wake me up," Ianto groaned, noticing how late it was.

"You needed the sleep and there really wasn't any pressing work to be done. Jack rose from his desk and took the still sleepy man into his arms.

"But, I haven't got anything done today."

"And that is okay once and a while." Jack pulled Ianto into his arms and began to shuffle them back and forth to the music. "Anyways it is only 2 in the afternoon. Lots of day left to work."

"This is nice," Ianto mumbled into Jack's neck.

"Just making up for last night," Jack replied softly.

"What do you mean?"

"We could have danced a little longer before starting work is all."

Ianto pulled back slightly, a confused look running across his face. "We danced last night?"

"Yes, you don't remember?" Jack asked, concern lacing his tone.

"No, are you sure?"

"Very… What is the last thing you remember?" Jack cupped Ianto's face, waiting for a reply.

"Not sure," Ianto scrunched up his face as if in pain. "Just Rhy and Gwen dancing, them cutting the cake."

"Ianto that happened at 9. The last time I saw you was at midnight and you were still completely sober."

"No, that can't be right… Jack what happened last night?" Ianto asked, sounding more scared than confused now. Ianto couldn't understand how he had lost so many hours from just drinking. When he blacked out, yes he did loose a few hours but those hours were when he was drunk not stone cold sober. He had never lost more than an hour or two before or after.

"I don't know but I think Owen should take a look at you, alright?"

"Okay," Ianto conceded without a fight, which just alarmed Jack more. Ianto never agreed to go see Owen unless he was really hurting or Jack was begging. Jack swiftly threw Ianto his shirt and straightened out both of their messy locks as Ianto did up his buttons. They didn't look 100% presentable but Jack really didn't care; it wasn't a big secret around the Hub that Jack and Ianto were together.

"Owen, where are you," Jack called as they left the office. Ianto gripped his hand tightly; they only sign to show he was upset.

"Medical bay! What do you need?"

Jack waited until they breached the doorway leading to the autopsy before yelling down to Owen. "Can you check Ianto? He's having some memory problems from last night."

"More than the leftovers from his binge?" Jack and Ianto descended the stairs into the medical bay and saw Owen hunched over some sort of sample.

"He can't remember anything past 9."

"That can't be good tea-boy. Hop up on the table," Owen said, finally addressing the other man in the room. "Do you remember hitting your head or falling down?" Owen waited until Ianto had pushed himself onto the exam table before tilting his head back and checked his pupils.

"No." Owen then checked the younger man's head or neck for signs of bruising or trauma.

"Have you felt dizzy, had a headache, or blurred vision?" Ianto shook his head when Owen released him.

"I can't find any indication that you have a concussion or any other trauma besides from your memory loss. This is weird. I am going to take a blood sample and see if that brings anything up. You sure you didn't drink some retconned champagne last night?"

"I would have forgotten the whole day if I had drank that. And is it really necessary that you take blood?" Ianto was a little annoyed that Owen didn't even think he was smart enough not to drink the doctored alcohol.

"Yes, you are going to have whatever tests Owen wants you to have," Jack, said firmly from the sidelines.

Ianto looked purely sour as Owen snapped on his gloves. "I hate needles," he muttered, knowing no one really cared.

"Jack come distract him, while I draw the blood. If you're tense it is just going to smart more." Jack came over from the corner he had been in and turned Ianto's face towards him as Owen rolled up his sleeve and secured the rubber band just above his elbow.

"You know, I am not a five year old that needs his mummy to hold his hand at the doctors."

"Yes, but I can do so much more than hold your hand," Jack said lecherously, stroking the other man's cheek. Despite Jack's trying to distract him, Ianto still startled a little when Owen slid the needle into his vein.

"Fuck," Ianto gritted through his teeth as Owen took a few vials of blood and then pulled the needle out.

"All done, you big wussy. I am going to run this through, if it doesn't bring up anything then we get to play with the really fun toys. Do not leave until I have the results. Understood?" Owen said sternly.

"Yes Mam, can I go out and play now?" Ianto grumbled, sliding off the exam table. He did not want to think about any of the other tests Owen might do. They would defiantly be worse than just a blood test.

"I suppose, just not with him," Owen replied, jerking a thumb in Jack's direction.

"Oh but he's the best playmate around!"

"Didn't need to know that mate, and why do I get to be the mom?"

"Do you honestly want to be him?" Ianto asked.

Owen blanched at the prospect. "No."

"HEY! I'll have you know I am handsome, dashing, and incredible in bed," Jack said, sounding a little indignant. Who wouldn't want to be him?

"Jack handsome and dashing mean the same thing," Ianto said, grabbing a cotton ball and pressing it to the small needle mark.

"I know. I can't help it that I need multiple synonyms to communicate my level of greatness." Jack shrugged, it wasn't his fault he was just that perfect.

"Bloody full of yourself and a show off, is what you are." Owen snorted.

"Am I?" Jack directed towards Ianto.

"I believe Rhys said the same thing before and my answer still hasn't changed." Jack growled playfully in return.

"If you two would like to move this somewhere else it would be appreciated, I actually have work to do," Owen tossed a plaster at Ianto and pointed to the stairs.

Ianto rolled his eyes and left the medical bay with Jack following closely behind. "I guess if even Owen is working, we should be doing something too."

Jack looked puzzled. "When am I not working diligently?"

"Don't answer that. I should go down to the archives for a few hours," Ianto said, stopping at the top of the stairs.

"Are you sure you will okay down there? We still don't know what's going on with your memory." Jack said cautiously, kissing Ianto on the forehead.

"Jack, I'm not made of glass. I just want to get a few hours worth of work done and not think about this yet. Is that okay?" Ianto asked, not sure that he wanted to be alone but he still had the instinctual need to hide in the archives. It was the one place he could go and truly hide from the world and his problems.

"Fine," Jack sighed. "But for reference I am going to watch you through the CCTV."

"You worry too much." Ianto leaned into Jack and gave him a warm kiss. "If I'm not back when Tosh comes in, call me and I will make some coffee and snacks."

"Alright but if you feel off come back up here. I'll be watching." Jack made the time old motion of 'I'm watching you' before heading back to this office.

"Pervert," Ianto called at Jack's retreating back.


	3. Chapter 3

Title: House of Glass and Fog

Word Count: Overall ~30,500 words, chapter ~4,500

Pairings/Characters: Jack/Ianto, Torchwood Team

Rating: MA overall

Warning: Slasharama

Spoilers: Season one through Something Borrowed

Disclaimer: I wish I owned Jack, Ianto and all related Torchwood material but I don't. Someday I will… Someday!

* * *

Jack stared at the CCTV monitored and sighed in defeat, knowing he was not going to get any of the paperwork clogging his inbox done. He was slumped in his chair and had given up pretending to work over half an hour ago. Inherently, Jack knew Ianto could take care of himself but worry wouldn't release its grip. After they nearly lost Owen, Jack couldn't take losing another member of his team, especially Ianto.

Jack's vigil was broken briefly when someone knocked at his office door. He knew it had to be Owen as he had not heard Tosh come in yet and Ianto was still clearly in the archives.

"Come in," He called, before diverting is attention back to the monitor.

"Jack," Owen said hesitantly before stepping in. The look on his face was pinched and tight. Jack had a feeling Owen had found something and it wasn't good.

"You found something?"

Owen ventured further into the office and sat on one of the chairs across from Jack's desk. "Yes."

"I'll call Ianto up," Jack said, moving a hand towards his comm.

"You better not." Owen shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "I think we need to discuss this before talking to him."

"How bad is it?" Owen slid a printout across Jack's desk.

"What the hell?" Jack asked, picking up the paper and scanning the results. "I thought you said this was impossible."

Owen ran a stiff hand through his hair. "Jack, it's not the retcon we used at the wedding; it's a level three not six."

"This wasn't as accident?"

Owen shook his head. "From his memory lost span and the residuals in his blood either he did it to himself or someone snuck into the Hub and drugged him. The latter is very doubtful. If someone slipped in last night they would not have just left him hung-over on the couch."

"Fuck, why would he do this to himself?" Jack slammed his hand onto the top of his desk.

"I wish I knew. You don't think…" Owen hesitated.

"What?" Jack growled. He was already fed up with the situation. Jack wanted to race down the stairs and shake the hell out of Ianto until he confessed his reason for retconing himself but Jack knew it would do no good.

"You don't think he's betrayed us again?" Owen finished with difficulty. "Or that someone has done this to him?" Owen quickly amended when Jack gave him a lethal look.

"What are you getting at? That we have another situation like Suzie?" Jack asked.

"I'm not saying it is like the for sure but it is a possibility isn't it? We can't get locked in here again and let god only knows what go on a murder rampage!"

"What do you suggest we do then?" Jack fired back sourly.

"What we would do with anyone else. Drug him, and lock him in a cell until we have this shite figured out." Owen rolled his eyes and leaned back into his chair. He knew this was going to get messy no matter what they did. At least if they followed operating procedures they could avoid any of the games that they'd been subjected to before.

"I really don't think that is necessary."

"Would you rather we tie him to a fucking chair? He needs to be secured properly."

Jack's brow dropped. "No. Call Tosh tell her to come in now. We need her to review the CCTV footage from last night. Whatever is going on here it must gave been recorded last night but I am sure it has already been tampered with. I also want you to do an inventory check on the retcon. See if any of it's missing."

"Screw the inventory count. Ianto keeps track of all that shite for me. Wouldn't have a clue if something was missing unless it was really dangerous," Owen replied, seriously.

"Fuck," Jack swore loudly. "Just go call Tosh." Jack was furious at the situation, when the hell had things fallen apart so fast he wondered.

"Who's going to…" Owen trailed off, pushing himself out of his chair.

"I will, just go call Tosh."

"Are you sure?" Owen asked again.

"Yes," Jack said, his voicing rising. After Owen made a hasty retreat Jack went into his personal safe and pulled out a sedative he kept on hand for when he was pulling an insomniac spree. Jack then headed up to the kitchenette to make a cup of tea to mix with the drug.

"Fuck Ianto, why?" Jack said to himself as he ground up the pill and mixed it with sludge he called tea. He knew no matter how horrible the tea was, Ianto would drink it pretending it was fine to make Jack happy. The Welshman tried to hard to please others, especially Jack. Did he really deserve what they were about to do to him? Jack didn't know but Owen was right they couldn't take another chance.

Before heading down to the archives, Jack took a moment to compose himself. If Ianto thought anything was a miss he would balk and make things much harder than they had to be.

TORCHWOOD

Ianto had just finished putting away the last item in the section he was working in when he heard Jack's light footfalls coming around the corner.

"I thought you were going to lurk until Tosh came in." Ianto called over his shoulder.

"I was, but I figured you could use a hot cup of tea. Gets pretty cold down here doesn't it?"

Jack walked up behind him and transferred the cup of tea into Ianto's chilled hands. "You should try working in the lower levels. Though from judging from the layers of dust down there you've never been."

"I have, just not for a long time," Jack said, sound distracted. Ianto allowed the heat from the cup to soak into his hands before taking a sip. Ianto grimaced at the taste; he could never understand how Jack could cook wonderfully but couldn't brew a decent cup of tea.

"How's the tea? Bearable?" Jack asked, moving off to Ianto's left.

"It's warm and decent. Thank you." To Ianto their conversation seemed stilted and uncomfortable. There was no warmth as there had been earlier before Ianto went to the archives. This on and off, hot and cold was what drove Ianto craziest about Jack. Everything else he could deal with, this, this he just couldn't understand.

"No problem. Are you almost done down here for the day?"

"The next section is going to take me hours so I might as well pack up." Ianto took another large sip of his tea and began organizing his loose notes on the movable desk he brought when archiving. The archivist had assumed Jack would bugger off after he had turned back to his work but the older man continued to hover, still not touching Ianto.

"Something the matter Jack?" Ianto asked softly a few minutes later, putting down his tea and turning to face the other man.

Jack froze. "Nothing, it's just been a long day."

"Can't…" Ianto stopped suddenly, rubbing a hand over his face. His vision swam across his eyes with his equilibrium shifting slightly. Even odder Jack didn't even attempt to steady him when he swayed.

"Jack you know how you said if I began to feel off to tell you?" Ianto ground out. "Well I am feeling really off."

"I know," Jack replied tightly.

Ianto's eyes widened. "Jack," He said warily, backing away.

"Don't make this harder than it has to be," Jack started to invade Ianto's personal space.

"Make it harder than it has to be? You're the one that has put god only knows what into my tea! What the hell is the matter with you?" Ianto tried to back away again but Jack had effectively cornered him against one of the shelving units. In retaliation Ianto pushed Jack back but with the combination of the drugs and Jack's inherent strength he didn't make much headway.

"You can stop struggling now, it's not like you are going anywhere but into the interrogation room," Jack replied, grabbing Ianto's writs to prevent further resistance.

"Bastard," Ianto tried to hiss but it came out more like a slur. His vision blackened briefly and he knew there was no way of getting away from Jack.

"Let go." Ianto thrashed in Jack's grip again but it did no good but to increase the pressure on his wrists. When the sounds around Ianto began to spread out in a distinctly fuzzy manner he knew he couldn't fight whatever Jack had give him. Ianto saw more than felt his legs fold under him and gave up struggling as Jack shifted his grip.

"Good boy," Jack murmured and Ianto could do nothing more than sag in the taller man's hold and let the blackness draw him in.

TORCHWOOD

"Alright what's this big emergency!" Tosh yelled breezily as she entered the Hub.

"Need you to check the CCTV from last night," Owen returned just as loudly from his desk.

"That's it?" Tosh grouched, going over to her desk quickly to stop their ear-splitting conversation. "You called me in to check CCTV footage?" Tosh threw her bag down and draped her jacket over her chair.

"We think it has been tampered with." Tosh looked intrigued.

"By who? And where the heck are Jack and Ianto? Not shagging again while we are slaving away I hope."

Owen instantly became stiff at Tosh's comment. "No, they're not going at it. Jack is getting Ianto settled in the interrogation room."

Tosh's demeanour changed at once. "What do you mean getting him settled in the interrogation room? What the hell is going on Owen?"

"Tosh, he brought this on himself," Owen began. "Last night he retconed himself and we don't know why. What if he has betrayed us again? We can't just let him roam free," Owen rambled off quickly, trying to prevent Tosh from interrupting him.

"This is ridiculous! Ianto would never do anything to hurt us again. I am not going to be a part whatever you're about to pull." Tosh grabbed her purse and jacket and was about to storm out when Jack's distinct accent thundered across the hub.

"Toshiko Sato, you will stay and you will do your job."

Tosh stopped abruptly and turned around to face her boss. "Fuck you Jack! Do my job while Ianto is rotting in the interrogation room?" When Tosh began to swear Jack knew she had gone into full mother hen mode. The last time she had openly swore was in Bracon Beacons when one of the cannibal women refused to give her the key to Ianto's handcuffs. After swearing once Tosh had bashed the woman's skull into the wall until she had relented and handed over the key.

"I am not asking you do to anything that would harm him," Jack tried to negotiate. "Just check over the CCTV footage from last night, see if there is anything out of the ordinary."

"And you think locking him up isn't going to hurt him? That it won't break the trust we have built as a team?"

"It's not us that are breaking the trust, it's him," Owen fired back.

"Oh, you want to start about breaking trust because I can distinctly remember a situation not to long ago where you shot Jack in the head!"

"STOP IT, both of you!" Jack hollered. "Tosh can you please check the CCTV to see if it has been tampered with? Ianto is still out cold so until he wakes up there is no harm being done."

"And if we don't find anything?" Tosh asked hesitantly, her tight posture lessened slightly for the first time since they began fighting.

"I will let him out." Jack said truthfully. Ianto would be pissed no doubt but Jack was counting on his respect for procedures to smooth things over.

"Fine, but I want to make it clear I am not doing this for either of you. I am doing it for Ianto." Tosh threw her belongings on the closest desk and went back to her station.

"Noted," Jack replied. After giving Tosh a moment to cool off both men went over to her desk and peered over her shoulder as she ran through the CCTV footage from the night before. Tosh watched the footage and ran a few programs before her face contorted slightly.

Jack sighed at the wait. "Found anything yet?"

"Can you be quiet for a minute?" Tosh growled in return. A few more minutes passed before Tosh cursed softly.

"What," Jack replied, his tone cold and stiff. He was scared of what Tosh would find, he was scared that one of his most important persons had betrayed him again. Last time was a screw up on both Jack and Ianto's parts but if anything happened this time it was all on the Welshman.

"Ianto," Tosh paused, her mouth going dry. "Ianto put an overlay on the footage from 3:30 A.M. last night until around 5:00 A.M. this morning.

"How can you tell it was Ianto?" Jack asked, feeling a knot forming in his throat.

"No one else knows the system well enough to do what he did. He didn't just delete footage, he edited it so flawlessly I never would have noticed a thing if you hadn't ask me to check. As it is it is going to take me at least an hour to break out the two sets of recordings.

"You mean at least an hour before we know what he was up to last night," Owen snorted.

"Shut up Owen," Jack said slumping into the chair he had commandeered from his office. And for an hour both men waited while Tosh pulled apart Ianto's work frame by frame. Jack and Owen took turns watching the monitor of the interrogation room, waiting for Ianto to wake up.

"Jack it's been over an hour how much did you give him?" Owen asked, blinking away his weariness.

"Just one of the sleeping pills you gave me mixed with his tea."

"Nice Jack, nice," Owen said with impatience clearly in his voice. "He is going to be out for at least another 2 hours assuming he didn't finish the tea. I give you strong doses since that shite barely knocks you out."

"Great…" Jack rolled his eyes and grabbed his poorly made cup of coffee. "How the hell was I supposed to know that?"

"I figured you had half a brain, is all." Owen fired right back. Jack was very tempted to throw his mug at Owen's head but he knew it would accomplish nothing.

"Would you two stop fighting? Seriously, that is all we have done since I got here." Tosh interrupted with annoyance. "Just stop," Tosh repeated, losing her former conviction.

"We're sorry Tosh, we really are." Jack said, allowing his face to stretch into an ironic smile; it was probably the most honest feeling Tosh had seen on his face all day.

"Doesn't matter," Tosh replied in a flat voice. "I'm done."

"And?" Owen asked, pushing his chair back over to Tosh's desk.

"Just watch," Tosh said softly, feeling her eyes water. She didn't understand why Ianto had felt the need to sneak around and then hide it. She thought they were friends and after Jack left had begun to rely on each other. 'I guess I need him more than he ever needed me,' Tosh thought miserably.

"Shit," Owen said loudly as they watched Ianto come into the Hub, collect a bottle of bourbon and head into the archives. The video cut in and out for the next few minutes, making it hard for them to tell what Ianto was doing besides digging a box out.

"Well that was informative," Jack said in a sour tone, feeling his heart drop and then anger build at Ianto's actions.

"I'm sorry Jack, with that much tampering the video has some degradation." Tosh stopped the recording when Ianto finally passed out on the break room couch.

"You did the best you could." Jack put a strong hand on Tosh's shoulder, squeezing in praise. "Try cleaning up the video a little more; Owen your with me. We are going down to the archives to find out what secret Ianto is guarding so vehemently.

"Let's get this over with," Owen said abruptly, pulling himself out of his chair. Tosh gave both men a watery smile as they headed down to the archives. "Do you even have a clue what section he was in?"

"Not exactly," Jack replied. "Definitely on the first floor, somewhere in the back."

"Somewhere in the back? You have got to be kidding me! The back portion of the archives is huge; the only one that actually knows were everything is…"

"Ianto, I know," Jack growled, swooping past Owen.

"We are completely fucked without him, aren't we?"

"Yes," Jack confirmed with a groan.

"So a big metal box?" Owen laid a heavy hand on Jack's shoulder. "This should be easy, completely and totally fucking easy."

"If we can find out where he was it should be," Jack countered. "The box he had isn't one we would keep in the regular archives. We save those boxes for the restricted archives because we can securely seal them."

"You can't mean that lame little cubby in your office?"

Jack shot Owen a death glare. "Do you know anything about the Hub? No Owen, that cubby is not the restricted archives, for fuck's sake. Just take the west half of the back and I will take the east."

The two men split up and began searching for Ianto's secrets. Just as Owen predicted it was much harder than Jack anticipated. Even the back half of the archives was huge with layers upon layers of containers, folders, old cardboard boxes, and an organizational system that made absolutely no sense to either of the men. Though, Jack had to admit Ianto had done an amazing job organizing the space. Before the archivist came along no one had managed the files or alien tech for years and Jack's organization system did not consisted of much more than labelling everything he added with numbers starting at 1. He had no idea how the original system worked though he strongly suspected there were at least 2 systems being used before Ianto came, in lending in part to the chaos.

"Anything?" Owen yelled, his voice muffled by rows of shelving units.

"Nothing," Jack hollered back and continued searching. It was at least another hour before Jack heard Owen made a sound akin to a squawk, which he wasn't sure was in triumph of finding something or having half the archives fall on him. Jack jogged over to where he thought he had heard the noise and was only slightly relieved to see Owen clutter free.

"Do you think this is it?" Owen said hesitantly. Jack squatted down to Owen's level and looked over the metal box he had pulled off of a lower shelf.

"No, doesn't have the proper locking mechanism. Keep looking." As another 15, then 30, then 45 minutes dragged on Jack became more and more frustrated. The captain felt like they had scoured the whole of the top floor of the archives but in reality they had barely searched half of their designated areas. When the 2-hour mark hit Jack was ready to go upstairs and drag Ianto down here to look and put the last nail in his own coffin.

"Jack I think I got it," Owen said over the comm. sounding a little disheartened.

"Where are you?"

"Far, far back by a whole bunch of books and other useless junk."

Jack scowled at the shelves around him. "That tells me a lot, does it have a locking mechanism with a numeric key pad?"

Jack could hear Owen shuffling the box before answering. "Yeah, should I meet you up at front? I have no bloody clue where I am or how to get you over here."

"Better than wondering around. Just take down the section number as you leave in case the box you've got isn't what we are looking for."

Jack beat Owen back to the front of the archives and felt twinge of guilt for making the other many carry the container himself; it looked heavy. Jack's suspicions were confirmed when Owen shoved it into his hands with a huff.

"You take it the rest of the way, it's like carrying an obese child."

"Politically correct as always." Jack put the container down examined it carefully. "Looks like this is the real deal. Not sure why else it would be down here."

"Well let's take it upstairs and interrogate that twat." Jack gave the doctor a dark look. "What? We won't get it open unless he tells us how!"

"Just leave the interrogating to me." Jack said firmly.

"This is completely fucked up."

"You think I haven't realized that? Just grab the other handle Owen."

TORCHWOOD

As the other men began to head up to the main Hub, Ianto's eyes slowly opened, the lids separating sluggishly as if they had been glued together.

Ianto felt stiff and chilled all over and had no idea where he was or how he got there. The archivist groaned and waited a few moments for his vision to clear. When the shabby florescent light settled into a solid glow instead of a wavering pattern; Ianto could tell he was in the interrogation room.

"What the fuck," Ianto muttered, pressing his fingers into temples. 'No wonder I feel like shite,' Ianto thought finally noticing he was sprawled over a steel chair and was missing his suit jacket. Ianto searched his sluggish mind to try and figure out how he had gotten there.

"Fuck you Jack Harkness!" Ianto suddenly growled realizing that his moron lover was the one that had drugged his tea and left him down here to rot. Just another reason not to accept any form of drink from Jack, Ianto decided.

"You know you could have at least left me on the floor!" Ianto yelled at the camera, wedged in the corner of the ceiling, knowing someone was watching. "Now would you kindly let me the fuck out of here?"

Ianto growled again and got up from the hard chair to stretch his muscles. Right now Ianto wanted nothing more than to not act his age and throw the contents of the tiny room around. But he wouldn't as he was the perfectly mannered, calm, and collected welsh butler for Torchwood 3.

"Oh fuck it." Ianto gave the chair he had been sitting in a swift kick and was quite satisfied when it crashed to the floor. It didn't accomplish much but it made him feel a bit better.

"You know throwing a temper tantrum won't help the situation." Jack said calmly, his voice resonating over the comm.

"Fuck you Jack Harkness!" Ianto yelled back, trying to stare down the camera the best he could.

"I would also suggest cutting down on the swears. It doesn't do much for your image."

Ianto was too pissed to reply and gave the chair another resounding kick. Ianto didn't know why he was letting the situation get to him so. Maybe it was the fact that someone he thought cared about him had done an about face in just a few hours and left him in a dank cell.

"Owen and I are coming down to chat, don't pull anything stupid." Ianto resisted another outburst as he heard the comm click off. He righted the chair and sat down and waited for the two men to arrive.

After only a few minutes of waiting the door at the top of the stairs clicked with Jack and Owen entering.

"Looks like you got over your tantrum," Jack commented noticing Ianto sitting calmly. "And here I thought Owen was going to have to give you something." Ianto glared at Jack and refused to give him any kind of response.

"Jack stop being an arse," Owen mumbled. He knew they were here to get some answers out of Ianto but pissing him off unnecessary would not help them.

Ianto waited patiently as Owen and Jack descended the stairs into the small room with a medium size container that they usually used for the secure archives. Both men heaved the box onto the table and sat in the two remaining chairs.

"Would you care to inform me why I am down here," Ianto said calmly, trying to keep anger from tinting his words.

"You're really in no position to be making demands Ianto," Jack hissed, planting his arms firmly on the table and leaning forward.

"It wasn't a demand, just a question. I think I am entitled to know why you drugged me and threw me in a cell instead of taking two minutes to talk to me." Ianto could feel his earlier anger begin to ebb away and become replaced with hurt.

"Because we can't trust you anymore," Jack said simply, not moving an inch when the Ianto's eyes widened in confusion.

"Why?"

"Jack stop playing games with him," Owen interrupted, pulling Jack back to a sitting position. "He has no idea what you are talking about; just tell him."

"Would you two stop tag teaming me and tell me what the fuck is going on!" Ianto said, frustrated that he wasn't getting any answers.

"Have any idea why you would be a sneaky little shit and hide this in the archives?" Owen asked, nodding his head towards the box."

"I've never seen that before! Have you both lost your wits?"

"We haven't lost our wits; you've retconed yourself," Jack said.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Ianto gasped. Owen shook his head and slid the results of Ianto's blood work across the table.

With a shaky hand Ianto picked up the sheet and skimmed the results. "This can't be right." Ianto put the paper down and pressed his face into his hand. "Owen tell me this isn't right."

"Sorry mate, pretty hard to fuck up a blood test."

"Shit…"

"Stop playing little wounded lamb," Jack said callously. "You brought this on yourself and you better figure out how to open your dirty little secret."

"I don't even remember it being down there! How the hell am I supposed to get it open?" Ianto said with desperation beginning to tinge his tone.

"I don't know or care. Figure it out," Jack punctuated each word heavily. "Owen grab the container, we are going to give Ianto some time to think about how he is going to clean up this mess."

Ianto sat silently as Owen collected the box and as they left the interrogation room, he was not sure what to make of the circumstances. What was worse was he couldn't properly flush out how he felt – hurt, confused, angry with Jack and angry with himself for once again taking extreme measures. And for what? To protect someone or something he couldn't even remember.

"You've done it again Jones, Ianto Jones. You've betrayed him again." Ianto whispered to himself letting the chill of the room soak past his well-tailored clothing. Ianto pulled into himself and began to think of a way to open the damned container. Whatever happened he was probably scheduled for a bullet in the head.


	4. Chapter 4

Title: House of Glass and Fog – Chapter 3  
Word Count: Overall ~30,500 words, chapter ~5,200  
Pairings/Characters: Jack/Ianto, Torchwood Team  
Rating: NC-17 overall, this chapter PG13  
Disclaimer: I wish I owned Jack, Ianto and all related Torchwood material but I don't. Someday I will… Someday!

* * *

Ianto didn't notice the time as it ticked by until Tosh entered the interrogation room balancing a tray with one arm.

"Drew the short straw?" Ianto asked, feeling a bit sorry for the oriental woman. She probably wanted to be here with him as much as Jack and Owen did.

"No, just thought you might be a little chilled down here. Have a cup of tea," Tosh said placing the tray on the table between them. As the tray settled Ianto began to smell whiffs of his favourite apricot tea brewing, which was strange as he though he had hid the tin rather well.

"Where did you find my tea?" Ianto asked warily.

"You really aren't as sneaky as you think you are." Tosh sat down, took a cup off of the tray and placed it front of Ianto. "Drink up before it gets cold."

Ianto just stared at the cup and raised an eyebrow at the double meaning of her words. There was no way he was going to accept drinks from a Torchwood employees ever again. "Honestly Ianto, I haven't put anything in the tea! Don't be so paranoid."

"If I recall correctly not being paranoid is what got me down here in the first place." Ianto pushed the cup back towards Tosh.

"Ianto I am not Jack," Tosh stated crossly. "There are no drugs or retcon in this tea and Jack does not know I am down here. He is too busy have a brooding pow wow with Owen in his office."

Ianto deflated immediately and wrapped his hands around the cup. Ianto felt quite like a git at the moment. Tosh had been trying to do something nice for him and he threw it back in her face. "I'm sorry Tosh. I just… today has been rather fucked up hasn't it?"

"Any more messed up than a day at Torchwood normally is? Though I guess staff don't get locked in the interrogation room on a regular basis," Tosh said smiling tightly.

"And all over a stupid box…" Ianto lifted the cup up to his lips and took a small sip, watching Tosh over the rim.

"And you've got no clue what's in it?"

"None," Ianto replied with a twinge in his voice. Ianto finally let his perfect posture slip and hunched over the stainless steel table.

"But you know how to open it?" Tosh questioned, picking up on Ianto's demeanour.

"Just a guess really."

"I'll go tell Jack."

"Please don't," Ianto gasped. "I don't want him to open it yet and have every nasty thing he has thought about me over the last few hours confirmed."

"But Ianto he really hasn't said a thing, he needs to know you're willing to help us on this!" Tosh wound her hands around Ianto's.

"He won't care Tosh. You didn't see the look in his eyes when he was down here. I don't want to see him when he knows for sure that I have betrayed him for a third time." Ianto pulled his hands away from Tosh and wrapped them around his middle.

Tosh watched Ianto closely before forming a reply. "You care about him a lot don't you?" Ianto eyes crinkled at the corners. "You lo…"

Ianto cut her off harshly. "Don't Tosh, just fucking don't."

"You love him." Tosh insisted.

Ianto let out a bitter laugh. "Maybe but he doesn't give a shite about me." Tosh gasped at Ianto's blunt response.

"Please don't say that. He cares about you."

"As much as he cares about your or Owen." Ianto snorted.

"What about Gwen?" Tosh questioned softly, getting up and going around the table to crouch by Ianto.

"This conversation is over. Go tell Jack I can probably get the damn box open and ask him to send Owen down to take me to the archives. I would rather not see him until he is ready to put a bullet into my head."

"Ianto!" Tosh hissed angrily. "He will not blow your brains out! He would never do that to you or anyone on the team."

"He would to me. Tosh think about it, I have used up my three chances and I would prefer it to the alternative." Ianto shifted uncomfortable trying to move away from Tosh.

"And what is the alternative? Facing up to your own damn mistakes?" Tosh grabbed Ianto's face so he was looking at her again.

Ianto looked her dead in the eyes. "No Tosh, I've hurt him enough and I don't deserve another chance or even a full retcon, which he might do if he sees me. He will feel like shit for letting this get past him. I can't do that to him again," Ianto finished softly, squeezing his eyes shut.

Ianto took a few deep breaths before continuing. "I don't want another chance and I want him to stay pissed at me so there is no remorse or guilt when he does when he is required to by the rules of this organization. You know, he had to lie to Unit about Lisa to keep me from being locked up for the rest of my life."

"Ianto, please just help us, let us help you. Don't take the easy way out of this." Tosh pleaded.

"This isn't about taking the easy way out it is doing what is right! Don't try and help me because you won't feel this way when we open that fucking box. If you are angry at me like Jack and Owen are now it will make things easier in the long run." Ianto said pulling his face out of Tosh's fixed grip, leaving the consequences of his actions unsaid.

"You bloody bastard," Tosh said letting disappointment finally leak into her voice. "I am not giving up on you and if I am not giving up neither are you!"

"Have you ever thought I am not worth caring about?" Ianto said his voice cracking faintly finally feeling his emotions catch up with him. He had tried so hard not to give a damn when Tosh came in but the act was waning.

"We are all worth saving," Tosh shot back savagely pulling Ianto into a tight hug.

Ianto pulled out of Tosh's hug slowly and watched the woman's face closely. "Please just don't set yourself up for me to break your unwavering faith." Ianto challenged, reeling himself in again. He couldn't take comfort in her anymore; it would only make him falter in his own resolve.

"Ianto…" The crackling of the intercom and Jack's voice cut off Tosh's reply.

"Toshiko Sato you are not authorized to be down there! Get you ass upstairs now."

Tosh startled a little but did not move away from Ianto. "I'll be up in a few minutes."

"When I say now I don't mean in a few minutes, move it!"

"You better go," Ianto said softly, upset that he had gotten Tosh in trouble.

"Alright but think about what I said." Tosh squeezed Ianto's arms firmly before releasing her grip and collecting the service tray.

Ianto gave Tosh a strange look that she couldn't make heads or tails of. She wasn't sure if it meant to say yes, no, or even maybe. "Someone will be down soon," Tosh tried.

"Thank you and I'm sorry." Ianto replied distantly hoping Tosh understood what he meant.

She had. "Don't say sorry yet." Tosh let everything else be; knowing Jack was still watching them and left the room.

Tosh took the stairs quickly and dumped her tray off beside Owen's arcade games before venturing into Jack's office.

When Tosh arrived in Jack's office he and Owen had already gotten into the classic 'we're about to dress you down' stance but she really did not care. She knew what she had done was right and the other two men could not convince her otherwise. They had no real proof that Ianto had done anything more than keep an unauthorized box in the archives.

"Tosh would you care to explain when you were down there with Ianto, unauthorized serving him tea like he was the bloody Queen of England?" Jack growled, stalking around Tosh as he spoke.

"Jack, he was cold and miserable down there and you left him to rot." Tosh shot back just as forcefully. "I'm sorry for trying to be a decent human being!"

"Tosh this isn't about being a good person! It's about protecting the team and you of all people should know what he is cable of!" Owen said finally deciding to contribute to the conversation instead of standing beside Jack trying to look stern.

"You two don't care about him at all do you?" Tosh said sadly, finally realizing why Jack brought Gwen into Torchwood. Without her the other two men treated Ianto just as callously as any civilian picked up off of the street. Tosh wanted to tell Jack how confused and upset Ianto seemed but she also didn't want Jack to be able to take advantage of his vulnerability. Ianto's trust was a hard thing to gain and Tosh would not give it up so easily.

"Tosh we care and that is why he hasn't already been forcefully interrogated." Owen replied sounding almost contrite. Tosh didn't respond and instead brushed past Jack and Owen to sit on the ageing couch.

"Did he at least tell you something helpful while you were down there?" Jack asked, moving to sit behind his desk as Owen took up another chair.

Tosh sighed feeling hopelessness claw at her. "Ianto told me he thinks that he can open the box but he needs Owen to take him down to the archives."

"I'll take him down if he really needs to go." Jack retorted, wanted to take Ianto himself. Letting Ianto pick and choose who he was going to interact with would give him more power over the situation than Jack wanted to give up. Ianto wasn't calling the shots and Jack wanted to make that perfectly clear.

"I think it would be better if Owen went," Tosh said timidly, linking her fingers together.

"I am going, end of this discussion." Jack finished. "Did he say he needed anything else besides to go down to the archives?" Tosh shook her head in response.

"I am going down then. Owen, bring the container up to the conference room. I will meet you both there when Ianto and I are done. Tosh I need you to pull the exact section and row number where Owen found the container by the time I get back up here." With his orders confirmed Jack abruptly left the room leaving Tosh and Owen alone.

"Well that went smashingly well didn't it?" Owen grumped. Tosh gave Owen a sour look and went back to starting at the loose threads in the couch. "Why are you being such a witch about this?"

"Let me alone Owen. You didn't even give Ianto a chance to cooperate before drugging him and tossing him into the interrogation room. If Gwen were here it wouldn't have happened. When I try to do the exact same thing as her, I get told Ianto was lucky you weren't beating information out of him. You realize that sounds like something T1 would do. It isn't us Owen! When did we become so heartless?"

Owen flopped down next to Tosh and uncharacteristically wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "The moment Gwen Cooper walked out the door… and it's something WE have to fix.  
TORCHWOOD

Scarily 15 minutes after Tosh left, leaving Ianto with dark thoughts, Jack banged through the metal doors and sat down once again.

"So you figured out how to get the container open?" Jack asked, not even bothering to dither about the issue.

"Yes." Ianto replied not giving anything else. He was not happy to see Jack again.

"And you need to go down to the archives for what?" Jack questioned again.

Ianto turned his head away refusing to look at Jack. "Knowing myself I probably left a clue to the code or the code close to where you found the container. I doubt I was dumb enough to leave it in a place I could accidentally stumble across it."

"Fine let's go."

"Owen can't take me?" Ianto asked in a blunt voice that was getting on Jack's nerves.

"No, Owen cannot take you. You and I will take this little trip together, despite your best efforts not to." Jack tried to catch Ianto's eyes again with little success. "Do you have a problem with that?" Jack's tone left no room for argument.

"No Sir."

"And you will behave because I am not in the mood to cuff you and drag you around the Hub like some stray dog." Jack continued.

"Yes Sir." Jack gave a curt nod in reply and began to leave the room only giving Ianto a moment to push himself from his chair and follow.

"Do you have the section and row you found the container in?" Ianto asked as he and Jack trudged up the stairs.

Jack stopped dead half way up the stairs and turned to face Ianto. "Part of behaving is keeping your mouth shut and answering when spoken to. I may not be yelling at you right now but I'm still angry." And disappointed Jack left unsaid but Ianto could clearly read it from his expression.

Ianto wasn't sure how to reply to Jack's comments or how to feel. Inherently he knew he should feel contrite. He was the one that had hurt the other man but he also didn't like being treated like a daft primary student.

"I was just trying to make things easier." Ianto said deciding neutrality was the best course of action. Sounding too remorseful would let Jack continue to bully him and sounding too resentful would be asking for more trouble than it was worth. Jack's emotions were always all over the place when he was upset.

"Don't" Jack turned around abruptly and began walking up the stairs again. After a few more steps they were on the main level and then brushed past Tosh. Jack grabbed a slip of paper as they went by.

With Jack's pace they were at the main level of the archives in a matter of minutes. Jack shoved the slip into Ianto's hands avoiding all contact except for a rough touch of fingers.

"This is where we found the container."

Ianto skimmed the paper, feeling déjà vu tingling across his spine. "This way Sir." Ianto started to lead the way to the alien literature section. Ianto wasn't surprised in the least; it was a rarely used area that would be good for hiding items from himself and especially the team.

"Do you even know what you are looking for?" Jack grumped from a few paces behind Ianto.

"As cliché as it sounds when I see it I will know." Knowing the archives like the back of his hand he and Jack were at the section in a matter of minutes instead of the hours it had taken Owen and Jack. Ianto stopped in front of the shelf where the container had been found and took a moment to push off the uneasiness he felt. The section was giving him the creeps. Ianto had no doubt he had been up to something here.

"Get to work Ianto!" Jack snapped; sick of waiting for Ianto to move. "My patience for you is gone and the sooner you are back in the interrogation room the better."

At that moment Ianto had enough of Jack's bullying and of himself being far too penitent about the situation. Jack had always told him to call the older man on his bullshit and that was exactly what he was about to do. Ianto spun around on his heal to face Jack straight on before promptly telling him to fuck off.

"Excuse me!" Jack shot back, pushing his face a breath away from Ianto's.

"Oh I'm sorry did you not hear me. Fuck off." Ianto punctuated the words with heavy bursts of air and roughly shoved Jack out of his personal space. Jack lunged back and wrapped his fingers around Ianto's face in a tight grip.

"You do not get to tell ME to fuck off." Jack hissed pressing his fingers so tightly Ianto could feel his cheek grinding against his molars.

"I have been nothing but helpful and cooperative this whole bloody time! The least you could do is not treat me like complete shite." Ianto begin to struggle in Jack's grasp but only succeed in cutting the inside of his mouth.

"And you think that matters?" Jack lashed out. "You betrayed us Ianto! Not for the first time or the second but the third time knowingly. You lied to me again and this time were too cowardly to even remember that you had done it. So explain to me why you think you deserve any sort of decent treatment. Huh, huh!"

Ianto barked out a laugh, knowing he would regret what he was about to say later. "You want to bring up lies and half truths Captain Jack Harkness, which by the way we all know isn't you real name! You have lied to the team and I everyday since we have met. You prattle in half-truths and expect us not to notice or care but we do! We all are fucking aware of your bullshit and it hurts." Ianto finally manoeuvred his way out of Jack's grasp before continuing.

"You lie and carry secrets intentionally and sometimes at the team's expense! You fucking think I didn't know you were immortal until after Owen blew your brains out? No, Jack I knew long before even Gwen bloody Cooper. But did I say anything? No! I held you secret even when people like Tosh got hurt trying to protect you because they are loyal to you and thought they were keeping you from death. I trusted you to tell us and you didn't! You didn't even bother to tell us after Gwen found out. It may have been accidental, but she knew and you still didn't trust us enough with that tiny piece of the real Jack! You have no right to treat me like crap for keeping a secret because you do it everyday and use how we feel about you against us!"

When Ianto finished yelling Jack looked gob smacked and beneath his anger a little hurt. Jack's guard was down for only a moment before he let his rage overshadow everything. "Do not talk about what you do not understand Jones," Jack hissed dangerously.

"I don't understand because you never tell me shit all. And that's the point isn't it?" After a lingering bout of silence Ianto turned back to the shelves and starting looking again. Ianto was sick of fighting about an issue that came up far too often and never ended with any resolution. Ianto had never been quite so nasty about Jack's trust problems but the man had no right to treat Ianto the way he had.

Jack's next movement was quick and surprised Ianto enough to drop the books he had pulled from the shelf. "Jack?" Ianto questioned hesitantly, finding himself being held from behind.

"I'm not very good at this am it?" Jack sighed into Ianto's neck. Ianto knew Jack's switch had turned from pissed to remorseful. What a mess.

"What?" Ianto shifted awkwardly in Jack's grip. "Being a leader, a friend, a lover?"

"All of the above. I let my anger get in the way of being all of those to you and to the rest of the team. I should have explained what Owen found and asked you to wait in a secure room instead of drugging you and tossing you down there like rubbish." Jack felt Ianto's breathing hitch, some of the tension in the other man's shoulders lessened. Jack knew Ianto was willing to listen now; he was definitely still pissed but willing to listen. It was good enough.

"I was scared and angry at what you had done and hurt that you had tried to hide the whole thing from me. I know things aren't perfect but I thought they had gotten better since I got back."

Ianto shifted so he was facing Jack. "Me too… I could say I was sorry but it won't count for much until I know exactly what I did. But I'll say it anyways, I'm so bloody sorry Jack…" Ianto trailed off, wrapping his arms around Jack's midsection.

"It counts," Jack mumbled back, kissing Ianto's hairline.

"What do we do now?"

"Get what we came down here for and deal with everything else as it comes. I'm not making any more decisions until I know all of the facts. Do you want me to help you look?"

"Okay," Ianto sighed, slowly pushing himself out of Jack's arms. "I am not sure if you will be able to spot it but two sets of eyes make it more likely if nothing else. The only help I can really give you is to look for an irregularity in the sorting of the items or the actual item. I think it's less likely that I put an item in the wrong spot as it would be too easy to notice."

Jack gave him a look that clearly said this was not going to be simple at all. Ianto shrugged in reply and the two men got to work scanning the shelves. It was slow going and every few minutes Jack found an item that looked promising but upon Ianto's inspection were just part of the complicated archiving system the Welshman had developed.

"I feel like we're getting no where! I don't think I have spent this long in the archives for something other than sex. I feel like all I have done today is search for crap down here!" Jack roughly pushed another book back on the shelf. "I really wish Owen had not lost the universal unlocking thing."

Ianto place his hand on Jack's shoulder in a reassuring gesture. "I found the code last night, probably drunk, we will find it eventually. If you makes you feel better I have slept for an equal amount of time you have spent cleaning up my mess."

"I am taking a break," Jack replied, pulling a random book off of the shelf and sitting on the concrete floor.

"No you're not." Ianto plucked the book out of Jack's hand. "I want to be down here just as much as you and taking breaks is just going to have us stuck longer." Ianto turned the book around to look at the call number but was interrupted as Jack grabbed it back.

"We aren't getting anywhere Ianto. Let's just sit down for a few minutes and rest our eyes." Jack suggested.

Ianto paused for a moment trying to decide if it would be better to delay their doomed hunt for a few minutes or just keep going. After another moment of contemplation Ianto rolled his eyes fondly and pulled Jack back to the floor. "What are we reading? Can you even read it?"

Jack flipped the book back over. "Looks like a book of fairy tales."

"One of twenty-seven in the archive," Ianto said with a small smile, trying to keep his tone light. Despite his best efforts Ianto could feel a tight and clammy cold spread through him as he and Jack sat side-by-side delaying in inevitable.

"Did you know humans are the only ones that have fairy tales with large amounts of dismemberment and blood? Some lessons, huh." Jack said conversationally flipping through the book.

"Don't remind me. I had nightmares for weeks after my Tad read me Hansel and Gretel when I was six." Ianto shivered at the thought of the witch being pushed into the oven. "Is there a particular point to you giving me the heebie-jeebies?"

"The point being." Jack stopped laying an arm around Ianto's shoulders. "Is that despite all the gore and the ridiculous stories humans are taught to survive better and longer than any race I have encountered. I have seen the universe at its end and humans are still fighting for their existence. If they can endure that you can survive this, we can survive this," Jack amended.

"When you say it like that I almost believe you," Ianto whispered feeling his eyes and face become hot. Ianto kept back the few stray tears he felt like shedding; Jack was right he made such a mess of things and he didn't deserve the older man's concern or comfort.

They sat together for a few more minutes just looking at the pictures in the book together. When they reached the end, Ianto finally let the comfortable atmosphere they had built slip away and untangled himself from Jack's hold and stood up slowly. Jack passed the book back to Ianto and heaved himself off of the floor, giving the other man a sad smile.

Jack started searching in a new section, a few paces down. Ianto went to put the book back in its proper place but the gap that it came from had seamlessly vanished forcing him to check the call number. Just as he was about to push the book back in its slot he noticed something odd about the font of the last 5 numbers. Ianto's heart began to pound anew and his grip tightened. He knew at once this was what they had been looking for and began to panic. He wasn't ready to open the damned container and was severely tempted to put the book back where it belong; out of sight and mind. Ianto felt his hands become damp and knew he couldn't do that; he owed it to Jack and himself to finished whatever he had started. This was exactly why the younger man wanted Jack to stay pissed at him; now that he had his Jack back his didn't want to let go.

Ianto took a deep calming breath, trying to rein his panic in before calling out to Jack. "Jack, I think I've found it," Ianto said softly, feeling his throat dry up.

"Are you sure?" Jack waited for Ianto to reply, holding a deep breath in his chest.

Ianto nodded and passed the book his was holding into Jack's waiting hands. "Look at the last 5 digits. They're in the wrong font. I don't make mistakes like that," Ianto answered with a certainly that surprised Jack. If he had been in Ianto position he would have been inclined to flee and hope things worked out in the end.

"This doesn't have to be it if you don't want it to be," Jack said hesitantly so unlike his normal demeanour.

Ianto swallowed roughly trying lubricate his throat, barely trusting himself to answer. "It does…" Ianto extended his fingers towards Jack, silently asking for support.

Jack was tempted to argue, but knowing if he did he would once again blur the lines between being a leader and Ianto's lover. Jack slotted his fingers in-between Ianto's and tried to convey his understanding through light pressure. "Okay."

As soon as Jack answered Ianto felt distinctly sick. A tight panic rushed through his chest and he struggled to catch his breath. He shut his eyes and concentrated on the in and out litany he had learned after his father had died. Ianto knew he used to be much better at this when a breath remained lodged in his chest. What made it worse was he really did not need to freak out in front of Jack. He had already thrown the equivalent of a tantrum; he didn't need to add panic attack to the list.

As if on cue Jack noticed something was off with the Welshman's breathing. "You okay?"

Ianto nodded, knowing he didn't have enough air for a verbal response.

Jack hummed in reply, not really believing the other man. Jack released Ianto's hand and pulled him into his arms, anchoring a hand on a tense neck. "When I breathe in I want you to breathe out."

Ianto had to stop and restart a few times before he was able to pick-up Jack's rhythm. "Better?" Jack asked running his fingers along the back of Ianto's neck.

"Yeah," Ianto said still trying to pull himself back together.

"Are you going to be okay going back into the interrogation room?"

Jack felt Ianto shutter at the mention of the room but responded as calmly as possible. "There really isn't a choice is there? But thank you for asking."

"Let's head up then." Jack pulled his hands back to rub the Welshman's arms before letting go. The trip back to the interrogation room went faster than Ianto had hoped. Before he had more time to do more than worry they were at the door.

"Jack can you promise me something?" Jack stopped as he was opening the door.

"What?"

"If whatever you find in that box is really bad you will do what you have to. Including…" Ianto trailed off, he couldn't finish his sentence.

"No," Jack said firmly not turning to face Ianto. "I will not harm a member of my team no matter what you have done. And don't say I am playing favourites. Even though Suzie murder civilians I wouldn't have harmed her and I doubt you've done anything that terrible. Do you understand me?"

Ianto licked his lips and nodded although he knew Jack couldn't see him. "I understand."

"Good." Jack pushed opened the door the rest of the way and stepped back so Ianto could enter. "I'll be back soon, hang tight."

Ianto took a few steps and stopped in front of the captain, placing a hand on the taller man's chest. "Thank you." Ianto knew it wouldn't convey what he really wanted to say but it was adequate for now. He had dug himself a deep hole and Jack was already pulling him out despite having no duty to. He owed the man his life and cared about him more than he could describe in simple words. Ianto placed a firm kiss on Jack mouth and crossed the door's threshold.

"See you soon." Jack reiterated and shut the door.

Ianto sighed and took the stairs two at a time until his was back in the main area. Ianto scanned the room and couldn't help but think of how its last few occupants ended up. Suzie had gone on a homicidal rampage, gunned down by Jack and Owen. Bethany hadn't done much better, sacrificing herself to protect her husband and the world. Ianto was terrified that he would end up in a drawer beside the other women. Ianto recognized that if he did end up there he deserved it but he was also not ready to give up on life, to leave Jack on his own.

This room held many horrors and Ianto was determined not to become one of them.


	5. Chapter 5

Title: House of Glass and Fog – Chapter 4  
Word Count: Overall ~30,500 words, chapter ~4,900  
Pairings/Characters: Jack/Ianto, Torchwood Team  
Rating: NC-17 overall, this chapter PG13  
Warning: Slasharama

Disclaimer: I wish I owned Jack, Ianto and all related Torchwood material but I don't. Someday I will… Someday!

Tosh and Owen had gone back lounging on the couch when Jack stopped at his office. "I thought we were meeting in the conference room?"

"We're taking a siesta," Owen replied dryly, feeling starting to gain some clarity on the situation with Tosh's help. "Sorry if we're not in the mood to doom one of our colleagues."

"He is not doomed." Jack bit back. "We talked in the basement and sorted out the childishness as much as possible. I was over reacting and I'm sorry." Jack squeezed his way onto the couch, between Tosh and Owen.

"Fine," Tosh ground out, flinching a little when Jack put his arm around them. "And what happens when you find out what he's done? Are you going to go all commando again?"

"I promise you Tosh, one of two things will happen. Either he'll have done something small and stupid and I will tell him off or he will have done something major and we will retcon him. We have the tools to make him a non-threat without harming him and I intend on using them."

"I bet it was something stupid," Owen said. "Probably broke the coffee machine and was too scared to tell you."

Jack rolled his eyes but remained silent. "Owen you're so stupid sometimes." Tosh snorted.

"Suppose."

"Alright kids time to look under the bed." Jack got up from the couch, sticking out a hand to help the rest of his team up.

Everyone quickly assembled around Jack's desk, some giving the container a fearful look and others one of disdain.

"Who's going to open it?" Owen asked.

"I guess dibs out doesn't apply here?" Tosh blew her bangs off of her face thinking she would rather be doing anything than opening the box.

"Nope," Owen confirmed. "Rock, paper, scissors?"

"Owen this isn't a joke," Jack said sharply. He knew Owen sometimes used his sarcastic behaviour to deal with hard issue but now really wasn't the time. "I'm the captain; I'll open the damn box."

Tosh and Owen nodded in relief.

"There really isn't enough room in here to open it." Tosh commented, letting her nerves guide her actions. "Maybe we should go into the conference room."

"Alright," Jack answered. Jack and Owen picked the box up and they headed for the conference room. Tosh was right there was barely enough space for the container between the paper work and knick knacks, let alone room for three people to sift through the contents.

When they arrived at the boardroom the box was placed on the edge of the table clear of any debris except a few mugs. They all noticed the mugs and it struck a chord. If Ianto had not been in a cell the mugs would have either been cleared away or full of hot coffee.

"Tosh can you?" Jack gestured at the mugs. Tosh quickly cleared them away and stashed them is a corner where no one could see them.

"Alright let's do this." Jack knew they couldn't put it off any longer. A crumpled piece of paper was pulled out of Jack's pocket. He really didn't need it, the numbers had already been burned into his memory but Ianto had insisted. Nimble finger typed in the code and the lock pop with hiss that filled the conference room. The air stilled and Jack's hand faltered.

Owen began to fidget. "Just fucking open it!"

"Shut up Owen," Tosh shot back coarsely. Jack took a deep breath pushed open the lid with his thumb and forefinger. The lid was lighter than Jack expected and it flew back clanging nosily against its own hinges. Owen and Tosh jumped but Jack remained still, trying to keep his composure.

"Sorry," Jack said in a static tone. Jack stuck his hand into the box and grabbed the first thing he hit, a small bottle. Jack tossed the small prescription bottle to Owen and pulled out 5 more. Each bottle only had a few pills in it was clearly labelled one through six in Ianto's neat script.

"Well now we know where he got the retcon. He must have pinched it while doing inventory for me. He's even noted the dosage on the bottle. Bloody hell…"

"There's a lot in there," Tosh said with wide eyes. "How much do you think he has taken?"

"I'd have to run more blood work." Owen ran his fingers over the bottles; he was not pleased so much of the substance had disappeared from his stores without him noticing. Maybe if he hadn't been such a shit doctor Ianto wouldn't be locked in the interrogation room.

"Later," Jack stated. He put his hand in again and pulled out a leather bound book. Jack assumed it was a diary as Ianto often carried around one just like it. Jack set it on the conference table; they would look at after the box was empty. The immortal peered into the box when his fingers didn't come into contact with anything else.

"It's empty." Jack was perplexed. Why would Ianto go to the trouble of hiding a few retcon pills and a diary?

Tosh's face twisted into a sad smile. "I doubt it. Those boxes have a second compartment along the side." Tosh nudged Jack aside and purposefully slide her hand down the inside of the container. Tosh fiddled for a moment then smirked in satisfaction as a small hiss and pop came from the box. Tosh pulled out a crisp white envelope addressed to Jack.

"He really does think of everything doesn't he?" Owen said looking at the envelope in disbelief.

"Apparently always at the ready." Jack plucked the envelope out of Tosh's hand. It vaguely disturbed Jack that Ianto had left him a letter to most likely explain his actions. Jack looked at the diary then the letter; Ianto probably wanted him to open the letter first.

"Might as well sit down," Tosh comment, snapping the lid of the container closed and moving it to the floor. "Jack, I think you should read the letter first then you can decide if you think it's something Owen and I should see."

"Alright." Jack leaned back into his chair and tore open the side with his nail. Jack drew out two separate pieces of paper; one labeled read first. "He's even dictated the reading order."

_Jack,_

_Well I am not certain whether I should commend you on your detective skills or be annoyed you went snooping where you shouldn't have. On the other side I may have just gotten sloppy, which one tends to do when one cannot remember their own actions._

_As you probably have me locked-up somewhere at this moment I would like to make it clear I haven't committed horrible crimes against Torchwood. If you haven't guess by now, I am totally and utterly unable to deal with my emotions in a normal way. This whole thing is another way to deal in a decisively unhealthy manner. There are certain things that I just don't want to remember; things I have no idea how to cope with so I make myself forget._

_You are most likely horrified by what you are reading but it is the best way, really. I ask that you please replace everything where you found it and that you do not read my diary._

_Jack, there is no way for you to fix this so please let it lie. Put the container back where you found and either lie or retcon me. You don't have to play the hero for me Jack._

_Ianto  
_

Ianto was a complete bastard, Jack decided. Everyone thought his self-esteem was fucked up, well Ianto's was worse. He hid it better than Jack, behind a perfectly organized and calm exterior; he put on a persona but no ever really saw the person. Jack was beginning to believe Ianto didn't trust anyone but himself. The immortal didn't care what Ianto had asked him, he was going to read the other letter marked 'Do not read. That means you Jack!'.

The next letter started much the same way but the tone was completely different. Before it had been polite and distant; the second letter felt sad and defeated.

_Jack,_

_I am very tempted to call you unflattering things in Welsh; unfortunately you would never appreciate them, as you haven't learned a lick of Welsh in over 100 years. I asked you not to be a hero yet you insist on doing it. You know it drives me crazy when you don't listen to me? You're an arse you know that right?_

_Against my better judgment I am going to accept you will to do what you want and therefore have to given you instructions that you WILL follow._

_I want you to read my diary first…The things in there were never meant for you and I know they will make you feel like complete shite. I don't want you to feel like that or hurt you because I have the emotional coping skills of a vegetable. They were meant as a release and maybe a wake-up call to stop me from doing this over and over again. I doubt it's done either of those; just hurt you for being who you are. It's my fault for not being able to accept that._

_After you read the diary, let me read it. Then let ME decide what I want to do. Don't pressure me to stay or go, just make sure I don't try to retcon myself again. Make me deal with it but that is all._

_I have built a trigger into this for the first and hopefully only entry… Offer it to me. If I want it tell me it's in my safety deposit box under the false bottom._

_I am leaving up to you to decide if you want to tell the rest of the team though I doubt they would understand. I have a feeling they are hovering outside your office door right now waiting for answers. Don't let them bully you because of my choices._

_The only thing left to say is that I really love you Jack. I know this arrangement was never supposed to end up this like but your charm and care has done me in. You give me a reason to live, give my life meaning and I am not sorry for wanting to keep that._

_Yours,_

_Ianto_

Swearing gruffly, Jack placed the letters on the top of the table and smoothed them out until almost all of the creases disappeared.

"Jack?" Tosh asked hesitantly, not sure if it was the right time to approach the other man.

"Please go let Ianto out of the holding cell and tell him to meet me in my office in an hour. Maybe take him for a coffee," Jack said distantly.

Owen slammed his palms down the table, which startled Tosh but didn't seem to rouse Jack from his stupor. "You can't just bloody tell us to take him for a coffee! What did the letter say?"

Tosh placed a restraining hand on the doctor's shoulder. "Owen is it that hard to do as you're told?" Jack growled, standing up to tower over Owen.

"Yes, because almost every order you have given today has been bordering on idiotic. But you're on a roll so don't let me stop you."

"Owen," Tosh cautioned softly. They did not need to get into another fight and it wasn't as if Owen had really fought any of Jack's orders. Owen tended to pick a side and run with it. Unfortunately he changed his mind often – Jack seemed to be a on the losing side now.

"What do you want me to say?" Jack yelled. "That this is all my fault? Well I can confirm that it is! That I have hurt him so badly he can't even bear to remember so he retconed himself?" Tosh gasped and Owen took a warning step towards Jack. "Is that what you wanted to hear! Now get out so I can read just how much of a monster I am!"

"Son of a bitch." Owen hissed back before he charged Jack and punched him so hard along the jaw that he toppled over one of the conference room chairs. "You're a fucking wanker Jack Harkness. And if I could stop Ianto from ever seeing you again I would but he won't stay away. I hope he tears you to shreds when he sees you next! Come on Tosh, let's take Ianto for a 'coffee'."

Tosh gave Jack a worried look as Owen locked a hand on her arm and pulled her out of the room. Once the pair had left Jack picked himself up from the floor. While on the floor he decided to stay down until Owen left in case the younger man decided to do more than throw a punch. Jack righted the chair and fingered the already fading bruise. Owen could punch hard when inspired.

Jack tidied the room for a few minutes, missing the wide windows the old conference room had. The team had had to move the room while he had been away as the rift had decided to dump semi-sentient plants in Bute Park. The plants had needed a home and the old boardroom was the only place with good enough ventilation and plumbing to accommodate them.

Jack collected the diary and neatly tucked the letters under the front cover. He was not going to leave anything behind for Owen to paw through later. The trip back to his office was fast and Jack was glad that Tosh and Owen were not in the main Hub; they were probably down with Ianto trying to convince him to not come storming up. As a precaution Jack locked his door and drew the blinds. The captain looked at the clock and knew he had less than an hour to read the whole journal, fall apart, put himself back together, and figure out what in the universe he was going to say to Ianto.

TORCHWOOD

"Can we go back now?" Ianto complained into his slightly burnt but watery coffee.

"Ianto please, it's only been 20 minutes. Jack needs more time," Tosh said. Owen put a firm hand on Ianto shoulder as if to keep him seated.

"And I want to know what is going on!" After sitting in the interrogation room for less than an hour Tosh and Owen had come to collect him. Owen had looked beyond pissed and Tosh looked at him like he was a broken toy that couldn't be fixed. At that point he had assumed he was being taking back to the medical bay to be doped with enough retcon to erase the last 2 years of his life. Instead they had told him Jack needed to sort a few things out before speaking to him and dragged him to a coffee shop he despised.

"It is not our place to tell you. Isn't it enough to know you haven't done anything wrong for now?" Tosh countered. She and Owen, well more at her instance, had decided that they were going to leave all of the explanations up to Jack. It had moved from a Torchwood matter to a personal one and as much as they wanted to protect Ianto, he needed to deal with Jack.

Ianto scowled into his coffee. The Welshman realized he could continue to ask Tosh and Owen but they would give him nothing. Sometimes he really hated the secrecy and stubbornness Torchwood built into its agents. Ianto watched the clock as the seconds and minutes leisurely ticked by. Eventually his coffee grew cold and the cream separated leaving thin white bands on the surface.

"Now?" He question again like an impatient child.

Owen growled but pushed his cup away and shrugged on his jacket. "When he makes you cry don't come whining to me. I will only have 4 words for you 'I told you so'." Owen stormed out of the café and Ianto winced as the weathered bells jumped noisily at the sudden movement.

"He really cares about you," Tosh said, ever the mediator.

"I know," Ianto responded unsurprised at Owen's outburst. "He is like a brother to me. A slightly dysfunctional one but I know he is just trying to protect me in his own way."

"So what you are saying is that his tantrums are really shows of love." Tosh linked her arm with Ianto's as they headed out of the café.

"I wouldn't go that far." Ianto laughed, feeling lighter for just a moment.

"I'll always be here for you too, you know that right?" Tosh said, trying to sound casual.

Iatno squeezed her linked arm gently. "Yup, but sometimes I forget and try to go it alone. You would think with jobs like ours we'd have better coping skills. But really what can you do when everything fails apart? Take time to deal with it? Nope, save the world and carry on. Just carry on… Do you have your keys?" Ianto asked as they arrived back at the tourist office; Owen was sitting on walk obviously locked out.

"Somewhere." Tosh dug through her bag, pulling out small bits and pieces in her hunt. Ianto wished the contents of his pockets had been returned before they left for coffee. Jack and Owen must have emptied them before he was put in the interrogation room. "Got them!"

Tosh slid the battered key into the lock and had to jiggle it a little before they heard the tumblers fall into place. Ianto offered Owen a hand up, which the other man took with a tighter grip than necessary.

Minutes later Ianto was standing just outside of Jack's office with Tosh and Owen off to the side. It was an odd feeling, waiting for something he knew would inexplicable changes things; how he had no clue.

"I think it's best if we head home," Tosh said hesitantly, worrying her lip. "If you need anything…"

"He'll call." Owen replied firmly, knowing the other man probably wouldn't. Ianto liked handling things in his own way in his own time and that usually didn't involve any coddling.

Ianto delayed knocking on Jack's door until he heard the cog roll shut – they were alone. He patiently waited for the captain to answer but when the door didn't open and he heard no invitation to come in, he knocked again and stood perfectly still and silent. This time Ianto's patience was rewarded with a click of the lock, although the door remained closed. With a soft sigh Ianto turned the knob and entered the darkened office; the only light coming from Jack's antique lamp.

"Jack?" The older man was slumped over his desk with his head down, gripping a brown book.

Jack looked up and Ianto almost took a step back, unnerved at how tight and lifeless Jack's face appeared. "Sit, please."

Ianto fidgeted for a moment, taking the time to smooth his pants and check that his waistcoat was button properly before doing as Jack asked. Ianto has no idea how to read the other man.

"I'm sorry." Jack stated simply, allowing no emotion to colour his timbre.

"For?" Jack slouched further into his chair and passed Ianto two pieces of paper covered in his own neat script. Ianto read them overly quickly and began to feel unwell as his complexion took on the same shade as Jack's. "How many times?" Ianto choked out.

"Six…" Jack didn't trust himself to give more than one word answers. Ianto held out his hand in a silent request for the journal tucked under Jack's large palms. The journal passed between hands and Ianto set it on his lap, hiding its disturbing contents from view.

"I…I think I need to go home." Ianto said in a wooden voice. "Go home and read it alone." It was more words than either had said since Ianto had entered Jack's office.

"Call me when you're done?"

"Maybe." Ianto pushed his chair back and gave Jack a pained look as he left the office. Ianto didn't know how to feel or what to say. Hours before he was the one who had wronged Jack and now it appeared their positions had been reversed. It was like some sick Welsh soap opera that always dealt the plot in just the right way to maximize the anguish of each character.

Ianto felt numb as he walked the 100 steps to his car. Couldn't decide if he should read the journal or burn it during the constant 60 km/hr drive home. Couldn't decide if he should drive back to the HUB and punch Jack or cry in his arms after the 10 times it took him to slot his key in the door. Couldn't stand staring at it any longer as the 3 cups of coffee he made disappeared. Couldn't understand how he had gotten into this mess as he dropped the envelope he found in his safely deposit box twice. Uttered Jack's name as if it were a swear as he opened the diary and flipped to page one.

Ianto promptly slammed it shut, flipped it open and then shut it again. Once he read it there was no going back and no more pretending. Ianto tiredly scrubbed at his face and knew staring at the diary was just making things worse, harder than it had to be. Ianto picked up the offending book, opened it and began to read in earnest this time.

TORCHWOOD

Hours later, after reading over the diary again and again, Ianto found himself laying in his bed listlessly trying to decide if he really needed to get up to take a piss and brush the stale taste out of his mouth. Ianto really wasn't sure how he had wound up in his bed; maybe it was the need to be in a place he felt comfortable and protected.

If there was once place Ianto adored the most it was his bed. The natural warmth and comfort it provided him with was something he could not ignore on the rough days. While he was small he had always hidden under tightly tucked covers when things had become too much.

And thus Ianto Jones found himself wrapped in his blue and yellow duvet feeling a bit lost and hopeless. Feeling a bit like he needed his mother but she wouldn't want to talk him about this. She would tell him his problem was not with Jack but with his choice of lovers; Lisa was barely acceptable. He was still tempted to call her but Ianto was good at managing his temptations, his wants, and his needs.

Curling around his pillow Ianto groaned in response to the sudden chirping of his mobile; someone had sent him a text. Ianto snaked a hand out from under his covers and pulled the phone into his haven. The small cover was popped open and a one-word text from Jack glowed in the darkness: 'Okay?'.

Ianto looked at the clock, no wonder Jack had SMSed him it was well past 1 AM. He was tempted to reply with something snarky like 'just brilliant'. He wouldn't, Jack deserved it but he wouldn't. Instead he replied with 'need some time' and snapped the phone shut. It then joined the collected of crap on his bedside table. Contrary to popular belief Ianto turned into a slob when he was upset.

Ianto laid there for hours falling in and out of sleep trying to decide how he wanted to deal with the disaster he and Jack had created. They were stuck in an endless game of cat and mouse and Ianto was sick of it. Sick of chasing Jack around and being brushed off at the last minute, of both of them being afraid. He loved games but this was one he didn't want to play anymore. Finally as the sun broke over the horizon and his hips began to ache from not moving, Ianto gave in and decided to call his mother. He needed someone to talk to and there really weren't any other alternatives.

Ianto dug out his phone again and propped himself up against the headboard, finally emerging from his cave. It was early but he knew his mother would be up; she had always been a habitual early riser, so unlike him.

He scrolled through his contact list and dialed - she answered on the second ring. "Morning dear, you're calling awfully early."

"Sorry Mam." She must have finally decided to get caller ID.

"Nothing to be sorry about. I am assuming this isn't a call to see how your poor mam is doing?" She replied.

Ianto sighed into the phone. "No, I just needed someone to talk to."

"Job or relationship woes?" Ianto heard her teacup clink onto its saucer. She was probably using the set his tad had bought just before he died.

"Has anyone every told you, you are far too astute? Relationship by the way." Ianto grimaced - this is where things would get tricky.

"I didn't know you found a new girlfriend."

"Sort of." Best to leave it vague so she wouldn't jump to any conclusions. If she assumed he had a girlfriend he wouldn't correct her.

"What's the problem then?"

Ianto pulled his covers closer and slouched down. He wasn't sure what to tell her. What had Jack really done? They had never agreed to be with exclusive with one another emotionally or physically. "I just found out they've been with someone else."

"It's easy then darling you dump her on her behind. No fuss, no mess."

Ianto's fingers clenched around his phone. "We never agreed to be exclusive."

"Ah," She said letting a silence pass through the line. "So you've gone and fallen in love with your fuck buddy, have you?"

"Mother!" Ianto yelled, shocked at her candor. He didn't even realize she knew what a fuck buddy was.

"You may think I am a prude but I do know about these thing. Though I don't necessarily approve. I though your tad and I taught you better. About how to respect a woman."

"Mam that is what they wanted." It was what he had wanted at first as well. An escape and a way to forget the horrors of their job.

"And you've decided it's not what you want anymore?"

"Yes and no," Ianto said, biting his tongue in frustration. Things were always complicated with his captain. "I just want there to be a point to us being together."

"Isn't that we all want? Have you told her you wanted more?"

Ianto paused at this. He has never explicitly told Jack what he wanted, mainly because he didn't think the other man could give it to him and it wasn't his due. "No."

"You are honestly too much like your tad sometimes. You are allowed to ask for what you want - it won't kill you. And you can't expect this woman to read your mind either."

"Mam," Ianto interrupted her litany. "Thing just aren't that easy."

"Ianto, nothing is easy in life but you need to start somewhere." She chided.

The Welshman began to flick fluff off of his comforter. "This feels like an after school special. I'm supposed to know these things already, aren't I?"

His mam let out an exasperated sigh. "I find knowing and doing are two separate things, especially for people your age."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence…"

"Isn't that what you called for? A bit of reality check?"

"Thanks Mam," Ianto said softly. He had needed a reality check; someone to tell him it was all right to ask for more. If Jack couldn't, well that was a whole different issue in itself.

"That what mothers are for. You'll bring her over when you have this sorted?"

Ianto sucked in a shaky breath; she had him trapped in corner. Ianto couldn't understand how she always did that, every time without fail. "I don't think it would be a good idea."

"Are you embarrassed of your mam?" She said, trying to sound hurt.

"I think it might be the opposite in this case." Ianto could also see her hand constricting around the fine china.

"I see." Her tone had gone cold. "I thought we decided you weren't going to do that anymore."

"You decided not we, not I. Please Mam, I don't want to fight with you today. Can't we just leave it be?" Ianto sighed - he was too tired to fight with her today. Not when he could lose everything he had with Jack in a matter of hours.

"Fine. You know I just want what is best for you right?"

"I do, but what you think is best and what I think is best will never be that same. Thanks for the help Mam. I love you."

"Love you too pet. Call again soon."

"I will," He promised but it was not likely to happen for a long time. Ianto snapped his phone shut and placed it back on the nightstand.

He needed to talk to Jack and stop wallowing.


	6. Chapter 6

Title: House of Glass and Fog – Chapter 5  
Word Count: Overall ~30,500 words, chapter ~3,800  
Pairings/Characters: Jack/Ianto, Torchwood Team  
Warning: Slasharama  
Spoilers: Season one through Something Borrowed  
Disclaimer: I wish I owned Jack, Ianto and all related Torchwood material but I don't. Someday I will… Someday!

After a hot shower and a small meal, Ianto sat at the kitchen table waiting for Jack to arrive. He had stayed in his bed for another hour or so that morning, trying to decide when to ask Jack over. A few hours, a few days, a few weeks, he debated over and over but finally sent Jack a text telling the other man to come over later that evening.

The kettle on the stove whistled and Ianto snapped his head up in surprise. He had forgotten he set the damn thing on. Jack would want a coffee when he came over and who was Ianto to disappoint. With well-practiced movements Ianto poured the hot water over the coffee grounds and set a mental timer for 5 minutes.

10 minutes after Ianto had pushed the French Press handle down, signaling the coffee was done, his doorbell rang. Ianto got up to answer the door, the whole thing felt slightly anticlimactic. He had expected himself to be nervous and unsure but all he felt was a slow moving sadness that blanketed him. Maybe he had already given up or maybe he was ready to accept that Jack would probably be too afraid to do more than run.

Both locks popped open easily and on the other side of the door stood the ever dashing and handsome Captain Jack. "Hey," Jack said lacking his normal boisterous demeanor.

"Hi," Ianto replied softly and let Jack past the threshold. They lingered in the foyer for a moment before Jack shrugged his coat off and toed his boots onto the mat.

They shuffled into the kitchen and Jack automatically took the blue mug that had been set out. Jack's favorite mug at the Hub had blue and white stripes. 'Funny how someone could become so attached to an object,' Ianto thought as he gave a brief look to the diary perched on the table's edge.

"I didn't think you would want me over so soon." Jack started, running his index finger along the rim of cup.

Ianto shrugged and sipped his coffee. What did Jack expect him to say? The stiff silence was renewed. Ianto knew what he wanted to say but his mam had said earlier knowing and doing were two different and difficult things.

Jack broke the silence again. "Did you find the trigger you left yourself?"

"Yes," Ianto answered.

"Did you?"

"No." Ianto has struggled with whether or not he wanted to use the trigger but in the end it lay in burnt bits littering the sink. "It didn't seem worth it. It was only for one memory – a conversation Tosh and I had, I think. The diary was a good enough description. I don't need that pounding at the back of my head for the next few weeks."

Jack knew as well as he did that any memories that were triggered tended remain at the forefront of that person's thoughts for weeks and sometimes months. They never really seamlessly integrated themselves back in. It was unpleasant and in this case unnecessary.

"Oh." Jack fell silent for a moment and gulped his coffee. Ianto hadn't imagined that their conversation would be quite so awkward in his head. He had planned it meticulously and now it seemed pointless. They always stumbled their way through discussions about their relationship and this was no different.

"Why didn't you ever tell me you were so unhappy? That what I was doing was hurting you?"

"Would you have stopped? Been more discrete?" It wasn't an answer it was a challenge.

"I wasn't even sure you knew."

"That isn't an answer Jack or a good enough excuse. Would you have stopped?" Ianto said forcefully.

"I don't know." Jack finally admitted. "What do you want from me here? To beg for forgiveness, to grovel at your feet because I will."

"That's not what I want or need, Jack. As much as it hurts it's already done and over. It's as much my fault as yours for not saying anything. And I never told you because I thought I didn't deserve it. I honestly thought asking for more than we had was selfish and when you felt ready you would let me know."

Jack looked puzzled. "What are you trying to say here?"

"That I want a real commitment from you. That I want to be more than the person you care about as a good friend and who you happen to shag." Ianto tried to put his hand on top of the one Jack had resting on the table but the other man pulled away.

"Please, don't ask for that. I don't operate on monogamy." Ianto rubbed at his face in frustration, Jack had missed the point completely.

"Don't you get it Jack? I am not asking for you to be monogamous to just me physically. That isn't what I have problems dealing with." Ianto wanted to yell but kept his tone even. If he started to yell he would never stop.

"Oh then what the fuck is this?" Jack grabbed the diary and quickly flipped to an entry then slammed the book in front of Ianto.

Ianto thumbed the pages carefully; of course it had to be the entry about Jack's romp with Martha. "The only reason you shagged her and she agreed to it was because it was a connection to the Doctor. You both fucking want him but he won't have you so you fucked each other. You could screw Owen for all I care because there is no emotional attachment. I would rather you don't but it won't break my heart." Ianto said bluntly. He could be an asshole too.

"You say that but I don't believe you. Commitment and faithfulness are one in the same in the 21st Century."

"I thought you didn't do labels or stereotypes," Ianto threw back. "Believe whatever you want Jack because I don't know how else to convince you. "

"Then what do you care about Ianto?"

"What I care about is you keeping me at arms distance when we are supposed to mean something to each other. That you will only allow yourself to fall in love with what you can't have because it's safe. I'm not safe like them but I am asking for you to try. Jack, I love you. Is that only worth something to me?"

Jack stiffened in his chair and pulled his arms to his chest is a protective gesture. "I can't give you what you need. I'm sorry Ianto but I can't… You mean a lot to me but I am not in love with you."

"You aren't or you won't let yourself?" Ianto returned sharply.

"Does it matter?" Jack said tiredly, slowly shaking his head.

"Damn it Jack! It matters to me, you matter to me." Ianto pounded his fist against the table and felt the mugs rattle. He was not giving up without a fight.

"If you care about me at all you will take what I am offering. I can't give you anymore than that"

A pit settled in Ianto's stomach. "Is that really your decision? To not try at all?"

"I'm sorry but yes." Jack responded. Ianto knew he was pulling into himself. The conversation was over. Ianto had blown his one chance to get through to Jack.

"Then I'm sorry too." Ianto's chest tightened and he could hear his heart pounding in his ears. "I can't be with you. I won't do this to myself anymore…"

"So you're breaking up with me then?" Jack asked flatly, not letting any emotion pass over his face.

"You can only break up when you had a relationship to begin with. We're in limbo Jack." Ianto said, looking out the small kitchen window. "That's why I am begging to you reconsider. I want to be with you Jack but right now I am hurting myself to do it. Meet me half way, that is all I am asking."

"We're stuck in a disconnect then. I can't give you what you need and you won't settle anymore and I don't expect you to or want you to. I want better for you. " Jack said softly, surprised at Ianto's forwardness.

"Then give it to me."

"I've given you all I can." Jack got up and headed towards to foyer to leave. Ianto pushed back his chair with a loud scrape and followed. By the time Ianto made it to the entrance Jack had almost finished lacing up his boots. In a quick motion the captain's coat was around his shoulders and his hand was on the doorknob. This was it Ianto realized. This was Jack finally walking out on him and he knew it had to be this way. He would not stop Jack, would not go back to begging for scraps and slowly killing himself.

And as Jack opened the door Ianto wrapped his hand around the other man's wrist firmly. "If you ever change your mind…"

Jack set his face and shrugged in a tired manner. "Come back to work when you're ready." The door closed with a soft click and Jack was gone. They had both made their decisions. It didn't make it hurt any less.

For the second time since this whole shit storm started Ianto felt his throat tighten and his eyes itch. He wasn't going to cry, wasn't going to fuss. He had stopped himself before and he could do it again. Ianto sluggishly made his way into his living room and crashed into the navy couch Jack had helped him pick. Bloody Jack…

"Duw." Ianto swore as a small bit of moisture ran down the side of his face. He brushed it off and was annoyed when another came. He wiped incessantly until his nose turned traitor and began to run. And for the first time since he thought Jack had died permanently Ianto Jones wept. Not in the great heaving sobs you expect from anyone else in his position. But in the silent, constant tracks of tears of someone who was beyond the theatrics of bawling and putting on a fit.

Ianto felt defeated but he took some solace in that he had told Jack what he truly needed. For possibly the only time in his life, Ianto voiced his needs and wants. If nothing else Ianto was proud he had held his ground and stood up for himself. It would have to be enough to keep him going.

Deep down he knew it would never be enough without Jack.

TORCHWOOD

Four weeks later found Ianto packing two large suitcases for a secondment to Torchwood 2 for 6 weeks; it couldn't have come at a worse time.

After another day of wallowing in what Ianto could only call self-pity he decided he needed to get back to work. In the evening Ianto reluctantly pressed his favorite plum shirt and picked a matching grey pinstriped suit as a sign of his commitment to return. The next morning the suit hung on the wall hook untouched.

The morning after that finally found Ianto in the Hub with the expectation of things being awkward and more questions being asked than he wanted to answer. Instead Ianto found, in a peculiar way, the regular motions the Hub were still followed. Computer programs were run, alien invader games played, coffee was served, and paperwork was done.

The only thing amiss was the somewhat limited and stilted interactions Ianto and Jack shared when coffee was left on the corner of the captain's desk. Their exchanges were short, polite, and professional. Ianto really wasn't expecting anything else but it still stung. Ianto had lost more than just a lover he had lost a close friend and even though it had only been a few days Ianto already missed Jack.

Tosh and Owen had kept a respectful distance about the whole thing and didn't ask any questions. At some points in the day Ianto could tell Tosh wanted to ask, wanted to provide comfort but pulled back.

Things continued in that slightly off rhythm until Gwen returned from her honeymoon. The only new element to their pattern was that he and Jack interacted a little more but only to prevent Gwen from snooping. The rest of the team came to an unspoken agreement around the events of the day after the wedding. Tosh had deleted the CCTV footage, Owen shredded Ianto's blood work, and the secure box was put back into the regular inventory. They could almost pretend it never happened if no one spoke about it.

If Ianto had thought they were in limbo before, now it was even worse. Ianto wondered how long their odd agreement could carry on, maybe into perpetuity. Perpetuity did not last much longer than 2 weeks as Ianto found himself in Jack's office with the door shut. The door being shut was never a good thing.

"I need you to go to Glasgow for a month and a half," Jack said firmly, never one for pleasantries when in a bad mood.

"What?" Ianto sputtered but quickly recovered. "If you want to get rid of me badly there are other permanent options," the Welshman finished coldly.

"I am not trying to get rid of you!" Jack hissed. "We've been putting it off for months and they had another incursion this morning. Someone has to go."

"And it has to be me?" Ianto asked, already knowing the answer.

"Yes." Jack shuffled the papers on his desk, trying to keep his hands busy. "You know I can't spare Owen right now and let's face it Tosh or Gwen could never pull the work off. Torchwood 2 needs someone with field experience and someone who can show them how to organize and run a mission. The girls could teach the field experience but not the logistics of it all."

Ianto sighed in defeat. They had been discussing sending someone to Glasgow for months and Jack had mentioned it would either be him or Owen. They both guessed it would probably be Ianto from the beginning, leaving Torchwood 3 without a medic was never a good idea. "When do I need to be there?"

"Would you be ready to leave Sunday?" It was Friday afternoon. Ianto would have to bust his ass to be ready in less than 2 days.

"Brilliant," Ianto replied sardonically. "But I am taking the day to drive. I am not bloody going without my car for over a month."

"Whatever you need."

"Anything else Sir?" Ianto stood up from the chair facing Jack's desk and smoothed his pants.

"Ianto I…" Jack worried his lip in thought. He looked like he didn't have a clue how to phrase what he wanted to say. Ianto waited patiently. "Never mind. Take the rest of the day off to get yourself organized. Have a safe drive and I'll call every week for progress reports."

"Of course Sir. See you in a month and a half." For some odd reason Ianto kept expecting Jack to change his mind, to face his fears head on. But as the days stagnated by his hopes diminished. Maybe Jack was just too old and stubborn to ever change.

It was now 8 AM on Sunday morning and Ianto still hadn't finished packing. Though he knew part of the delay came from the hope that Jack might show up at his flat telling him he wanted to give Ianto a commitment. That the captain didn't want him to go to Glasgow just yet.

After putting off his departure as long as he dared, Ianto could tell Jack wasn't going to come and it had been silly to expect it in the first place.

TORCHWOOD

Week 1 Update:

"Jack they are hopeless! They're more interested in their experiments and books than learning drills. Why am I here?"

"Because I believe you can do it."

"Jack…"

Week 2 Update:

"So she overloaded the stun gun and knocked herself out for the rest of the day." Jack began to laugh raucously.

"Maybe I should have gone! It sounds like I'm missing the whole party."

"I'm constantly in stitches Sir." Ianto replied dryly.

Week 3 Update:

"How's Myfanwy?"

"She is pining for you. We all miss you. I miss you."

"Jack don't… Make sure you give her chocolate before bed. I have to go."

"Ianto wait!"

Week 4 Update:

"Jack I can't take them into the field like this! I think you and Archie need to face the facts, these people are not suitable for field work."

"When you first started you were a wreck in the field too. You need to give them a chance. Stop being so harsh."

"I may have been a wreck but at least I was willing to learn. You are wrong Jack, I can't do this."

Week 5 Update:

"You have reached the voicemail of Ianto Jones, please leave a detailed message and I will get back you as soon as possible."

"Ianto, it's Jack again. I know you're still pissed about last week but I still expect your update and on time. Call me when you get this."

TORCHWOOD

"What do you want?" Jack growled as Tosh hovered outside the captain's office.

"To know why you're in an even worse mood than the past 4 weeks. Honestly Gwen thinks you've gone round the bend." Tosh leaned against the doorframe, not daring to come in any further.

"You can inform her I have not gone round any bends. Now if you would kindly leave me to my paperwork." Jack went back to signing documents. Tosh guessed he wasn't even reading them. Ianto would have a fit when he got back.

"You're asking to be left with paperwork? Alright let's have it." Tosh said firmly. Jack continued to ignore her. "Ianto still pissed at you from last week?"

"He didn't call in for his weekly update and won't answer his phone." Jack threw his pen, giving up on the useless distraction.

"Honestly Jack, he probably got busy. You can't expect him to be on your beck and call all the time."

"I expect him to do his job."

Tosh gave Jack a sour look. "You're just pissed because you think he's ignoring you."

Jack took a deep breath trying to calm his nerves. He had hired Tosh for her quick wits and natural logic but he didn't appreciate when she used it on him. He knew she was right but would never admit it to anyone.

"Just tell him you miss him Jack."

"I did and he hung up on me." Jack replied gruffly. "There is nothing else I can do."

"It's always been within your hands to do something. He isn't going to wait around forever." Tosh said truthfully then left the office knowing Jack was in far too stubborn of a mood to be reasoned with.

"I know," Jack muttered to the empty space. "I know"

Jack brooded in his office until later that afternoon when his phone finally rang with Torchwood 2 on the caller ID.

Jack picked up the phone with an angry flourish. Ianto was going to get a piece of his mind. "About time you called in. When I say every Friday at 9 AM I don't mean 3 PM," Jack snarled. Things were off to a pleasant start.

"Jack it's Archie." Jack was startled out of his impending rage at the slightly off accent.

Jack switched his tone immediately. "Archie, what can I do for you? Sorry about the greeting but as you can tell I have been waiting for Ianto to call in all day."

"Don't be mad at him Jack. He wouldn't have been able to call in if he wanted. There was a field accident this morning," The other man said halfheartedly.

Jack felt his fingers go cold. He knew what Archie was going to say. Jack quickly sent Owen a SMS from his mobile telling the medic to get his gear together "How badly is he hurt? What are his exact injuries?"

"He's not on death's door yet but he is in pretty bad shape."

"Tell me," Jack insisted. "Owen needs to know. We are leaving as soon as I get off the phone."

Jack pulled a scrap of paper and pen towards him, ready to take as many notes as possible for Owen. "Massive blunt chest trauma. 4 cracked ribs, 2 broken, lung contusions and lacerations. Also a boatload of stitches where they pulled plywood out of him. Jack he got thrown into a bloody packing crate because my team couldn't learn a simple maneuver. Damn it, he kept telling us and we wouldn't listen!"

Jack grabbed the bridge of his nose in frustration. "We'll sort that shit out later. Owen and I have to leave now. SMS me the hospital address. I'll see you in three hours."

"Jack the drive is six and a half hours!"

"You've never seen me drive." Jack hung-up his phone, grabbed his mobile and coat then stormed out of his office yelling for Owen.

"Where's the fire?" Owen hollered back, coming out of the medical bay with multiple bags slung over his shoulders. Gwen and Tosh were huddled around Tosh's workstation

"Glasgow. Ianto was hurt on a field mission. Massive blunt chest trauma, get your shit together now. Tosh, Gwen you're holding down the fort."

"Jack there isn't anything I can do for him from here and by the time we get there he will already be treated." Owen started to drop some of his bags on the floor that contained trauma gear.

"I don't care," Jack hissed. "When we get there you will take over his care. Get whatever you have to put him back together."

Owen sighed in defeat know it was better not to argue with Jack when he was so angry. He only had a few pieces of alien medical equipment that would do any good. "Give me 5 minutes."

Owen turned around and leapt down the stairs. Gwen and Tosh hadn't moved an inch since Jack came from his office and still looking slightly shell shocked. "Jack," Gwen murmured, getting up to offer the captain comfort.

"It's fine Gwen," He replied brusquely, shaking off her hand. "Just tell me you can handle things here."

"Of course," Tosh interjected calmly, well she tried to sound calm for Jack's sake. It was anyone's guess how she really came off. "Do whatever you have to. Don't worry about us."

Jack nodded. "Owen hurry the fuck up!"

"I'm bloody coming!" Before Jack had the chance to yell again Owen was breaching the main level. "Is there any point in asking you to not try and get us there is a ridiculously short amount of time?"

"No," Jack said in a low voice and left for the parking garage, coattails flapping.

TBC


	7. Chapter 7

Title: House of Glass and Fog – Chapter 6  
Word Count: Overall ~30,500 words, chapter ~4,500  
Pairings/Characters: Jack/Ianto, Torchwood Team  
Rating: NC-17 overall, this chapter PG13  
Warning: Slasharama  
Spoilers: Season one through Something Borrowed  
Disclaimer: I wish I owned Jack, Ianto and all related Torchwood material but I don't. Someday I will… Someday!

Exactly 3 hours, 15 minutes and 3 nearly averted crashes later Jack and Owen flew into the waiting area of the hospital's ICU. "Where is he?" Jack snapped at two blond women, who he knew belonged to Torchwood 2. He barely remembered their names, too furious at them for being a part of whatever caused Ianto to be tossed about like a rag doll.

"He…he's been taken into surgery," one of the girl stuttered, shrinking into her chair.

"Why?" Owen asked staring down both women. Ianto should not be in surgery; blunt chest trauma was almost always successful treated without heavily invasive procedures. Ianto was hurt worse than he was originally told.

"Doctor said he ruptured his diaphragm or something," another member of T2 said coming around the corner carrying a tray of coffees. Unlike the women, who were short but had firm builds, this man was tall and lanky. He barely looked suited to do more than work in a cubicle with his thick glasses and awkward gait. Ianto was right; this team needed more than a few weeks of training to be physically and probably mentally equipped to go out in the field.

"How the hell did the doctors miss that?" Jack asked grabbing a coffee off of the tray. Owen followed suit. The lanky man opened his mouth as if to tell the two men off but one of the blonds smacked his arm.

"Jack, with massive chest trauma it sometimes gets over looked or the symptoms are masked. It's not because the doctor's are incompetent." Owen insisted firmly. "As long as none of his abdominal organs have herniated into his chest cavity he should be okay."

"Did any of the doctors mention that?" Jack directed towards Archie's team. Speaking of Archie, Jack wondered where the odd little man was.

"What's a hernia?" One of the girls asked. Jack decided he was going to call her the stupid one.

"Oh never fucking mind," Owen snapped, losing his patience. "I am going to talk to a nurse."

"I want him in a private room when he is done, not the ICU. I don't care what you have to do, make it happen."

"No problem." Owen headed back towards the nurses station they had breezed past on their way in.

"I'm Susan, by the way," The stupid one said. "This is Ethan and Emily."

"Do you think I care?" Jack barked. "And where the hell is Archie? One of you go find him now!" The three didn't move until he yelled again at which point Ethan took off. Probably to avoid Jack's wrath for the time being.

"We're sorry for what it's worth." Emily tried.

Jack flinched. It sounded far too much like Ianto had said in the archives almost 2 months ago. But this time his answer was different. "Nothing, it's worth nothing."

"Jack," Archie said from the waiting room entrance with a tired sigh. The graying man looked far worse than the rest of his team. At least he seemed to understand how serious the situation was. "The lot of you get out for a while, I need to talk to Jack."

The remaining members of Torchwood 2 slunk off to lick their wounds. "Whatever you have to say right now doesn't matter. If anything happens to him you will be minus a team."

"I know Jack." Archie ran a shaky hand through his hair. "I know."

TORCHWOOD

When Ianto was wheeled into his room from recovery he looked worse than Jack had ever seen him. Only his lower half was covered leaving his battered chest bare. Besides being spattered with dark purple bruises, Ianto had a chest tube inserted and had various lengths of stitching groups. The longest line was on the centre of Ianto's belly from what Jack assumed was the surgery to repair his diaphragm.

"God Ianto," Jack murmured and sat down next to the younger man's bed, taking his hand.

"He may look like a mess but he will be okay." Owen said softly while skimming Ianto's chart.

"Is there anything you can do?" Jack asked vaguely gesturing at Ianto's battered chest and abdomen.

"I can try and heal up some of the bruising and surface abrasions but I will need to take the current sutures out to do it. There isn't much I can do for his lungs and diaphragm without opening him up again. Don't ask I won't do it."

Jack slowly messaged Ianto's hand – he had made sure to sit on the side opposite the IV pole. "What about his ribs. I know we have a bone knitter."

"He isn't strong enough for me to use it. It's a lot harder to heal bone and the knitter facilitates the healing process; it doesn't actually do the repairs. It would take too much out of him. We can use it when he's a little better." Jack scowled at Owen's answer but kept his mouth shut. He trusted the doctor's judgment.

Jack spent the next few hours aimlessly talking to Ianto about anything that came to his mind while Owen painstakingly removed the other doctors' hard work. Owen would remove only a few sutures at a time and filled the gap with a bonding cream that generated fresh tissue. It took hours but when Owen was done the result was obvious. Most of the lacerations were already healing and the bruising had lightened.

"When is he going to wake up," Jack asked after a nurse had come to change Ianto's IV bags. Owen had covered up the Welshman's chest to prevent the nurse from noticing the significant improvements in his injuries.

"Maybe in 3 or 4 hours. He was awake for a few minutes in recovery but was barely aware of what was going on. He kept pawing at his oxygen mask; we had to switch him to a nasal cannula before he would calm down. He'll be okay, I promise." Owen reassured, placing a hand of Jack shoulder.

"Okay." Though Ianto would eventually heal physically, Jack knew they needed a serious talk when the archivist woke up. Pushing him away hadn't done any good. It had left Ianto alone when he needed Jack the most.

TORCHWOOD

"Jack?" Ianto rasped around cracked lips. He squeezed the dead weight intertwined between his fingers.

Jack jumped out of his half sleep when he felt the light pressure Ianto was applying. "I'm here. How are you feeling?" Jack leaned over the bed and kissed Ianto's cheek in relief.

Ianto tried to take a deep breath and gasped. "My chest hurts." Jack could tell Ianto was still a little out of it as his eyes were hazy and half-lidded.

"I'll go get Owen, alright?" Ianto tried to shake his head but the intent of the movement was lost as his head lolled to one side. "Shhh, I'll be right back."

"No need." Owen said coming into the room, back from a short dinner – well more like midnight snack break. "Scale from 1 – 10 where is your pain at?"

"6 maybe," Ianto groaned. When Ianto said 6 he really meant 7 or 8, Owen had come to learn. "It's this bloody awful ache, except when I breathe deep, then it's sharp."

"I wish I could say don't breathe deep but you are going to have to as much as you can. We need to keep as much oxygen in you as possible." Owen checked Ianto's morphine dosage before upping it slightly. "That should help but will make you woozy again."

"Mmmhmmm," Ianto hummed tiredly and let his eyes droop.

"He'll be in and out of it like that for a while." Owen said and began to examine Ianto's chest. His breathing was slightly labored "If he is keeps improving I want to do a chest x-ray tomorrow afternoon to see if we can take the chest tube out."

"I was wondering what that annoying burning was," Ianto slurred. "Thank god for morphine."

"The gods' nectar." Owen snorted. "I need to go grab a few things from the supply room." Owen gave Jack a stiff nod and left the room.

"Why don't you get some rest," Jack said continuing to hold the younger man's hand. The only hints of his emotional turmoil were the deep creases in his forehead and slumped posture.

"Stay," Ianto said, barely above a whisper. "Know things aren't right between us but I'm too tired and hurt too much to pretend I don't need you."

Jack grazed his knuckles down Ianto's cheek and then rested his palm on the other man's neck. "We'll talk when you feel a little better. I promise."

"Don't want your pity. Don't want you to only care when I'm about to kick the bucket." Ianto shifted trying to ease the pressure on his chest. Ianto recognized he was contradicting himself but he was a little too woozy to care.

"I know," Jack replied gently. "When you're a bit clearer we can have deep meaningful conversations. "

"K," Ianto said around a yawn then grimaced. Even yawning hurt how pathetic. He wasn't giving up but didn't have enough energy to fight the cool blanket the morphine wrapped around him. He could tell Jack off later.

TORCHWOOD

"Why do I still have a chest tube?" The Ianto grunted to no one in particular, he was finally lucid but still in a lot of pain.

"Last time I checked you were still leaking too much fluid. It's slowed down but not enough to take the tube out. Maybe later this afternoon," Owen said from the plastic chair sitting in the far corner.

"Brilliant." Ianto shifted and moaned. "Where's Jack?"

Owen closed his book. "He had to go back to Cardiff. The rift started to spew up crap and the girls couldn't handle it alone. He tried to tell you but you were too drugged up."

"Oh." Not the reaction Owen was expecting. "When can we go back to Cardiff?"

Owen gave his patient a tired sigh. Did no one in Torchwood understand what a recovery period was? "Maybe in a few days. On the outside you may look better but your insides are still a mess. I won't stick you in a car for 6 hours like this for the foreseeable future."

"When can you do something about my ribs?" Ianto asked. The sharp pains had caused him to shy away from deep breaths leading him to bouts of dizziness and chills. His lungs were also not retaining oxygen as well as they should do to the lacerations and bruising, which compounded Ianto's discomfort. If Owen could fix one problem he wanted it done as soon as possible.

"2 days at least and you're going to feel like trash again. Here let's try and ease some of the pressure." Owen came over to the bed and reposition the other man onto his side with the broken ribs to ease the pressure. It wasn't an easy position to get Ianto into with his chest tube but it was a way to deal with the pain and pressure morphine did little to ease. Ianto was already two sheets to the wind and Owen didn't see the need to drug the other man further if there was an alternative that worked just as well.

"Thanks Owen." His chest already felt better. Well as good as it was going to get with his current injuries.

"No, problem mate. You let me know if it gets worse. Do you need anything else?" Owen offered slowly checking Ianto over again.

"Call Tosh and ask her to get some groceries for my flat if she has time?" Ianto was not looking forward to going home to a dusty flat but it was better than staying in Glasgow. He had failed miserably and just wanted to be home.

"Do you want me to send nasty SMSs to Jack for you? Because I am perfectly willing." Owen joked, though he secretly hoped the other man would say yes. He hadn't said anything more to Jack about what happened 2 months ago at Ianto's request but if the Welshman changed his mind he would happily inform the captain where to stick it. Especially after Jack had the nerve to play devoted boyfriend when Ianto was drugged to the gills and vulnerable then fucked off. It was necessary for Jack to leave but he could have at least called Ianto in the 15 hours he had been gone.

Ianto squeezed his eyes shut in annoyance. He appreciated Owen's barely veiled concern but he could take care of himself. "I've already told him what I expect from him. It's his decision what to do with it. And honestly if the girls got mangled by some alien because he stayed I would have been more pissed. What he does is no concern to me personally anymore."

"Alright mate, if you say so."

TORCHWOOD

The foreseeable future ended up being 4 days later and probably one of the worse car rides of Ianto's life.

Despite the amount of painkillers Owen pumped into him before they left every bump, dip, or tight turn jarred his freshly healed ribs. Although they were healed they were still stiff and achy not to mention he was still having problems breathing because of his lungs.

What made the trip worse was that Ianto had left the Glasgow teams in ruins. He didn't want to but he was in no condition to deal with them. He had let them down – been unable to train them properly and now he was taking off on them. Jack had trusted him to pull them together and give them a sense of camaraderie and Ianto had fallen flat on his face.

With very few other options and his time dwindling he and Archie and decided to transfer Ethan to a UNIT research facility and bring in a new staff member to take lead for field missions. The only problem was finding someone who could deal with Archie (the man was crazy but likable in Ianto's opinion) and lead the girls.

Archie had tentatively suggested that Ianto stay but he couldn't accept. In spite of everything that had happened in Cardiff, it was his home and the team was his family. Unless they kicked him out the door with a large dose of retcon, he would not leave. Dissimilar to Torchwood 3 he felt no sense of belonging with the team except with Archie.

Ianto would have to start looking into staffing options in a few days with Archie. Though the man could pick the perfect researcher out of a crowd, his skills weren't quite as attuned to field agent qualities. Ianto knew Jack could probably find someone quickly but it was he had a responsibility to find somebody that could bring out Emily and Susan's potential. He would find a field leader worthy of them.

By the time Owen had pulled up to Ianto's house both men were exhausted. Owen had to practically carry him into the house; both decided the stairs up to the Welshman's bedroom were a bad idea. Instead they settled on Owen getting a fresh pair of nightclothes, a blanket, and a pillow so Ianto could crash on the living room couch.

After a decent meal of reheated spaghetti Gwen had left in the fridge from Rhys and another check-up Owen was on his way out with a promise to be back the next day. Owen wanted to watch his lungs closely to ensure he didn't develop an infection from the healing lacerations.

The silent townhouse was more than Ianto could take leading to a stupid DVD being popped in the player. Ianto was certain he would be asleep before the previews were even over. No one ever really appreciated the previews the archivist decided as he watched an ad for a movie that had come and gone years before.

Ianto briefly mused if Jack would turn up while he was stuck at home. He pulled his comforter closer and was certain it was a waste of time to sort out Jack intentions. The older man often acted without rhyme or reason leaving everyone chasing after his flapping coat tails and perfectly sculpted arse.

No wonder Jack was always alone he never slowed down long enough to let anyone catch up with him.

TORCHWOOD

When Ianto woke up he was aware of two distinctly different things. The first being he had to piss something dreadful and in no way did he want to move from the couch. The second was that there was somebody in his house. He could hear them shuffling around in the kitchen and a quick look at the clock told him they were not supposed to be there.

Owen had mentioned Tosh might stop by the next day to bring back his car and then leave with Owen after the doctor checked his lungs.

"Where the hell is my gun?" Ianto whispered to himself. Ianto looked around the living room noticing his bag from the hospital was sitting on top of his luggage by the door. Owen had been too lazy to drag it elsewhere. "Fuck."

Ianto started to freak out a tad when he heard the shuffling in the kitchen head towards him. He was going to kill Owen for leaving him alone, unarmed, and so stiff he could hardly move.

"I was wondering when you were going to wake-up." Ianto instantly felt relief wash over him then annoyance. What the hell was Jack doing in his house?

"What are you doing here? Better yet why did you think it was perfectly okay to use the key I gave you?" Ianto sat up stiffly.

"It was suggested that someone should be here with you for a few days. At least until you can manage up and down the stairs on your own." Jack walked the rest of the way into the living room and sat down in an armchair across from the couch.

"I am so sure Owen suggested you come." Ianto bit back. "And I don't need a nursemaid."

"You're right, Owen didn't want me to come. But I promised you a conversation and there is something else I wanted to talk with you about. Will you at least have some supper and hear me out?" Jack asked, running nervous hands along his slacks.

Ianto pulled back his aggravation. He had promised himself that if Jack ever needed him he would be there no matter what sort of relationship they had. Though Ianto knew he shouldn't put any hopes into what Jack wanted to say. Ianto expected to hear tired arguments and half-hearted words of pity but he wouldn't shove Jack out the door just yet. "Alright."

"Thank you," Jack replied warmly, giving Ianto a soft smile. "I already have something on for supper, why don't you go get cleaned up."

Ianto tried pushing himself up but stopped with a groan as his chest protested the movement. The stupid bone knitter was good for nothing.

"You need a hand?" Ianto nodded and tried to push away his annoyance at needing help. Jack helped him up slowly and shuffled them to the bathroom. Jack obediently waited outside the door to help Ianto again but was firmly waved off; much of the younger man's stiffness has been eased through movement. Okay maybe the bone knitter wasn't a complete piece of rubbish.

In the time it took Ianto to get back to the couch Jack had fetched supper and set it on the coffee table. "Tomato soup and cheese toasties?"

"With bacon." Jack laughed, knowing exactly what the other man liked to eat when he felt under the weather. Jack sat down next to Ianto and began eating his own sandwich.

"Are you quite finished sucking up?" Ianto asked, breaking a handful of crackers into his soup.

"Oh no, I could go on like this for quite some time." Jack grinned back, passing Ianto the pepper.

"Cut the bullshit. Let's hear it." Ianto took a few bites of his sandwich and had to suppress a groan of appreciation. If nothing else Jack was an excellent cook, probably better than himself. Who would have though to use Brie in cheese toasties?

"Archie called me." Jack started. "He said you both decided it was best for Ethan to leave T2 and have a field agent come in to whip the girls into shape."

Ianto sighed, his spoon scrapped lightly against the inside of the bowl. "Yes."

"Don't you think it would better to keep them together? As pissed off at them as I am, I still think there's potential there."

"Thanks for reminding me that this is all my fault." Ianto said sourly. "I don't want to split them up but Archie doesn't have the funding for a 5th member. That is why you sent me and I shat the bed on the whole thing."

Jack rubbed at his forehead. "No this is my fault for sending you out there with a standard training plan. You told me it wasn't working and I didn't listen. Would you be willing to try something different?"

"No." Ianto said firmly. He would not go back there to ruin the team's lives anymore than he already had.

Jack bit his lip in surprise. It wasn't like Ianto to give up so easily. "Ianto I need you to convince Archie to keep them together until we can come up with a new training plan. I don't know them well enough to do it alone – I need your help."

Ianto slumped tiredly, pulling the cuffs on his sleeve. Jack recognized it as a sign of the other man's nerves. "Jack I can't do this. I already told you that, would you just listen for once in your life!"

"I am listening and you know what I hear? A man who is rightfully scared by his first leadership experience that didn't go perfectly and who doesn't think he is worthy. But you're wrong." Jack place hand on Ianto's shoulder and rubbed. "You are worthy. I am the one that screwed this up and WE are going to fix it together. Okay?"

"I…I can't go out into the field with them alone again." Ianto admitted.

"You won't. Together remember?" Jack knew it would take some time and work from the Glasgow team before Ianto could trust them with his back. It would be even longer before Ianto trusted himself as a leader.

"Yeah. I'll call Archie tomorrow and buy them some time. It's the least I can do." Jack knew he had only achieved a reluctant win but it was something to work with.

"It's more than they are owed. They had a part in everything that happened. Remember that." Jack ran his hand down Ianto's arm and held it out. The archivist ignored it and Jack's chest tightened uncomfortable. He would try and fix that next.

"Anything else you need to get off your chest?" Ianto asked, drawing away from Jack. The immortal had gotten uncomfortably close in the time they had been talking.

"I told you there were two things I wanted to talk about. If you hadn't figured it out I want to talk about us." Jack said, trying to keep his voice calm. On the inside he was shuttering with nervousness.

"There is no us, you made that perfectly clear."

"I did and I was wrong."

Ianto stared at Jack for 3 loud heartbeats that reverberated across both men's ears before blinking slowly. "Sometimes saying you're wrong isn't enough to piece everything back together... Not everything is fixed so easily."

"I don't want to go back to what we were or weren't. I lied when I said I was giving you all I could. I was giving you just enough to keep you around but not enough to let myself to belong to you. Belonging to someone has always hurt when they eventually go." Jack admitted thickly. "Keeping them at arm's length was safe, loving what I could never have was safe. You Ianto Jones were never safe."

"Why am I safe now?" Ianto asked, rubbing absentmindedly at his sore chest.

Jack laughed sardonically. "You're not. But safe or not, with you or not, you are eventually going to go. And I realized I was just making that happen sooner than it had to be. I did the same with Estelle and it hurt just as much to loose when she passed as the day I walked away. I tried to forget that until it started to happen with you. I don't want to make the same mistake twice and maybe this way we both can get some enjoyment from the time you have here."

"You know that's slightly morbid?" Ianto said with a reassuring smile – Jack had decided to give them a real shot. The younger man settled against Jack's chest.

Jack snorted and wrapped an arm around Ianto's shoulders. "Does this mean I am forgiven?"

"Jack I was never angry with you. I was waiting and wanting to make sure I wouldn't let myself fall into our old routine – I couldn't handle that anymore. I just needed you to show me you were willing try and you've started too." Ianto set a hand on Jack's knee and rubbed lazy circles. "This is a start."

"I'm not sure I remember what a real relationship is anymore." Jack said honestly.

"Do we need to define it? I doubt I know any better than you. " Ianto tilted his back to look at Jack. "We want to be together, we can deal with the rest of the shite as it comes. All I expect from you is to not give up when things get tough. What do you need from me?"

Jack tensed in surprise. He had never stuck around long enough for someone to ask him what he needed from his partner. He would usually hightail it in the other directions when they even hinted at wanting a commitment. "No one's asked me that for a long time."

"Think about it, yeah? We're on a two way street now. I would be a bit of a self-contradicting prig if I asked for you things and didn't expect you to need anything back." Ianto relaxed further into Jack and the older man shifted them into a reclined position. Ianto laced his fingers with Jack's and rubbed his cheek against the other man's day old stubble.

"You love me?" Jack asked breaking the soft rhythm of their quiet breathing.

"I love you Jack." Ianto said kissing Jack deeply.

"Aren't you going to ask me?" Jack whispered against Ianto's ear. Ianto could feel the soothing breaths fill the crevices of his ear.

"I can wait until you're ready."

"I think I'm falling in love with you, Jones, Ianto Jones." Ianto felt himself go warm with contentment. Maybe you didn't always have wait for the good things, just ask for them.

We do not have the power to change the winds, but we can turn the sails.

Fin


End file.
